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James Thomas Rook Jr.

Friends ... with "benefits"?

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Since the Society does NOT recognize Civil Divorces if there is no adultery, and considers a couple to STILL BE MARRIED ... if a man and wife get divorced civilly ONLY ( perhaps for some economic reason, like bankruptcy, or estate management .... or they cannot stand each other more than a few hours a week .. (health reasons (?)) ... and they still shack up (friends, with benefits..) does the Society sanction these ones in any way?

( For those in Rio Linda ... "friends with benefits" means friends that have sex ...) ....

 

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..and HOW do you know this?

It seems to me if they are ALREADY married, per WTB&TS policy ... and the State has granted them a divorce .... (remember ... in the eyes of the "Congregation" they are always married unless one commits adultery, and the other does NOT forgive the adultery ...) they have satisfied the requirements of the Society... AND .. the state, and any interference is just busybody meddling.

Ok... lets say that in the middle of the Amazon Jungle, I meat ... er .. meet a tribe of cannibals, and in order not to be the guest of honor at dinner, I agree to marry the pigmy chief's daughter, he chants, dances, and makes a marriage certificate on the side of a coconut, and according to that tribe, I AM MARRIED.  Guards stand outside the grass hut to make sure the marriage is consummated,

The only way to get divorced is to feed the coconut to an alligator, which I do.

I guess then that according to current WTB&TS policy ... I have to wrestle the alligator and have IT ... after a reasonable time, of course ... barf up the coconut, and hang it around my neck on a chain.

On 6/27/2017 at 2:08 AM, The Librarian said:

They would be disfellowshipped if they did not marry properly (legally) in a reasonable amount of time.

I have no doubt that is true, THAT IS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN  ... BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?

AND MORE TO THE POINT ... WHAT IS THE SCRIPTURAL BASIS FOR THIS?

It is ABSURD that people married in the sight of God ( disregarding the Amazonian specifics ..) need approval and registration from the State... WHEN THE STATE DOES NOT CARE AT ALL ... AND HAS GIVEN THEM PERMISSION FOR A CIVIL DIVORCE.

1. God considers the couple still married.

2. The "State" could care less or not at all, and even GRANTS legal divorce.

If I was a cynical person ... I might think the ONLY thing the WTB&TS cares about is controlling EVERY aspect of human behavior, and that EVERYTHING not specifically allowed ..... is forbidden.

Clowns and Jokers.jpg

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There is a principle... a phrase I remember in the elder's book regarding "a reasonable period of time" when it comes to marital rules...

one that comes to mind is regarding if a spouse abandons the other.

Not sure what page it was on though ... sorry.

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On 6/30/2017 at 10:53 PM, James Thomas Rook Jr. said:

Ok... lets say that in the middle of the Amazon Jungle, I meat ... er .. meet a tribe of cannibals, and in order not to be the guest of honor at dinner, I agree to marry the pigmy chief's daughter, he chants, dances, and makes a marriage certificate on the side of a coconut, and according to that tribe, I AM MARRIED.  Guards stand outside the grass hut to make sure the marriage is consummated,

Michener writes somewhere about a delegation of Western bigwigs hosted by natives. Chiefs were insistent upon providing hospitality, and beautiful women was the first line of offence. Our hero of the book, whoever he was, did indeed succumb, married though he was. 

However,  the drummer for the Rolling Stones,  Charlie someone-or-other, lives a life as conventional as the other Stones' lives are promiscuous. When Hugh Hefner had them all over for an orgy,  Mick went hogwild, but Charlie stayed downstairs playing pool.

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Who has the authority to make a rule on that that would supersede what Matt 19:9 and 1 Cor 7:10,11 say.  Never heard of anything.  Have to face the fact that the couple did not commit adultery nor do one of the partners wish to make up again with the mate.

Know of a couple who needs a solution also for over  25 years. If this remedy was available to them they would know.

And who said that self-enforced celibacy kills.

The ones what are "friends with benefits" should remarry legally as this can't be pleasing to God or the congregation.

 

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TTH

You are correct, technically.

THE QUESTION REMAINS .... (rephrased .... )

Has the Society ever ruled on what happens if a man or woman abandons their spouse FOR THE REST OF THEIR "NATURAL LIVES" ... is the one DELIBERATELY abandoned stuck for the rest of his "natural life"? ?

Example: Lets say my wife got on a Starship to the  Centauri Star System, at sub-light speeds.  She is in hibernation, and will be asleep for 126 years in transit, 63 years accelerating, and 63 years decelerating, meanwhile, back on Earth I have to live the rest of my life, say 42 years, with no help, companionship, or love, THROUGH NO FAULT OF MY OWN.

Does it serve the interests of 1.) God, 2.) Christ, 3.) or any PERSON .... for me to endure this cruelty for 42 years, and die alone? 

To the best I have been able to determine ... THE ANSWER IS NO!

That to me is the KEY question to understanding Jesus' advice about marriage.

I cannot think of ANYONE who benefits from this cruel, current application of Scripture.

Can YOU?

The only working theory I can see for kindness, compassion, and Justice to prevail ... is if Jesus was ONLY talking to the Pharisees of his day about the SPECIFIC custom among Jewish men of his time of "juking the system" with a pad of divorce certificates, and closing the manufactured  "loophole" of this SPECIFIC activity, then, and now.

If you have a better explanation ... I would like to hear it.

The alternate explanation would have to be reasonable, show common sense, and the end result be merciful, and just ... and NOT HURT ANYONE ... which is the whole point of ALL Theocratic Law.

.

 

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Many times you have challenged readers to point to even one thing you have said that is not true. I will take you up on your challenge now.

You just said an untruth, and it is a big one. It is fundamental to everything else you say:

2 hours ago, James Thomas Rook Jr. said:

The alternate explanation would have to be reasonable, show common sense, and the end result be merciful, and just ... and NOT HURT ANYONE ... which is the whole point of ALL Theocratic Law.

It's not about us. Not primarily. Primarily, it is about the sanctification of God's name and the vindication of his purpose. 'Not hurting anyone,'  though a good provision, is not as good as keeping God's name on high and his purpose undeterred.

Furthermore, though you have been very critical of the Governing Body, this understanding predates the Governing Body. It first emerged in Rutherford's day.

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TTH

Your statement makes no more sense ... than in a discussion of the many different types of apples, you blurt out that Jehovah God, in his Infinite Wisdom, make Giraffes with long necks so they could eat spaghetti.

I do invite challenges, but they should at LEAST  have SOME relevance to the statements that I make.

Your challenge has no bearing whatsoever on my statement that you quoted.

22 minutes ago, TrueTomHarley said:

It's not about us. Not primarily. Primarily, it is about the sanctification of God's name and the vindication of his purpose. 'Not hurting anyone,'  though a good provision, is not as good as keeping God's name on high and his purpose undeterred.

OK, then, I will quote you and challenge YOU.

3 hours ago, James Thomas Rook Jr. said:

Example: Lets say my wife got on a Starship to the  Centauri Star System, at sub-light speeds.  She is in hibernation, and will be asleep for 126 years in transit, 63 years accelerating, and 63 years decelerating, meanwhile, back on Earth I have to live the rest of my life, say 42 years, with no help, companionship, or love, THROUGH NO FAULT OF MY OWN.

Does it serve the interests of 1.) God, 2.) Christ, 3.) or any PERSON .... for me to endure this cruelty for 42 years, and die alone? 

To the best I have been able to determine ... THE ANSWER IS NO!

That to me is the KEY question to understanding Jesus' advice about marriage.

I cannot think of ANYONE who benefits from this cruel, current application of Scripture.

Can YOU?

Please answer  questions 1.), and 2.).   Try to stay on topic and not rant about penguins or any other irrelevant side topic.

Can YOU?

.

 

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3 hours ago, James Thomas Rook Jr. said:

THE QUESTION REMAINS .... (rephrased .... )

Has the Society ever ruled on what happens if a man or woman abandons their spouse FOR THE REST OF THEIR "NATURAL LIVES" ... is the one DELIBERATELY abandoned stuck for the rest of his "natural life"? ?

Hey TTH:

do an essay on THAT question, too, while you are at it.

Remember ... no penguins or irrelevant issues "allowed".

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PRAY TO JEHOVAH, YOU BIG BABY!!!

IF HE LIKES YOU, HE WILL SOMEHOW UNCOVER THAT YOUR EX IS A BIMBO, WHICH WILL FREE YOU TO REMARRY!

OR DO YOU NOT BELIEVE JEHOVAH IS CAPABLE OF DOING THAT?

..........

BESIDES, SINCE YOU CONSTANTLY MAKE THAT TAUNT TO CALL YOU ON AN UNTRUTH, I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD RUN FOR THE HILLS WHEN SOMEONE TAKES YOU UP ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I answered YOUR question as succinctly as the facts that it was based on false premises would permit.

... YOU JUST DIDN'T LIKE  THE ANSWER !

YOU WERE TRYING TO SET A TRAP, AND NOTHING SHOWED UP.

You seem to have a COMPLETE lack of reading comprehension skills, as in all of our back-and-forth sparring,  you have YET ( that means never ... for those in Rio Linda...) to address the issues under discussion, but instead go wandering down the  main corridor and taking side corridors of irrelevancy, to the issues at hand.

How about, for a change ... address the actual issues ON THE BASIS OF THE VALIDITY .... OR NOT ... OF THOSE ISSUES RAISED ? 

Try proposing counter arguments that are relevant to the main issue on the table.

SHOW how my ideas are wrong, and my examples irrelevant to factual reality. Give examples that are stronger and more focused and pertinent than  MY examples.

You cannot win an argument, or a civil debate, by saying "MY Daddy can beat up YOUR Daddy, and my dog has four legs, and YOU only have two, and you are UGLY.".

It is very disconcerting, albeit amusing, to be trying to have a discussion with someone about REAL WORLD issues, and they are under the table polishing their shoes.

.... stay focused !

 

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      Each morning when you wake up, think about what you’re grateful for. It can be as simple as the bed you sleep in, your children, or the fact that you have a roof over your head and a family that loves you. This period of your life will be tumultuous. Some days, everything will seem wrong, and you'll feel indescribably sad or angry. Some days you won't be able to think straight. It’s as if you’re in a fog. And some days, you'll be filled with hope and a sense of freedom. Gratitude will help you to see the beauty that's emerging from this storm.
      2. Breathe.
      Learning to breathe in the good and breathe out the bad is a crucial tool in navigating rough emotional waters. Take deep, cleansing, calming breaths before dealing with stressful situations like court dates, arbitration, or dividing your belongings: 4-4-4 breathing is great for providing structure to this practice when you feel out of control. It is breathing in for 4 seconds, holding that breath for 4 seconds, and exhaling for 4 seconds. Just focus on those breathing techniques until you feel ready to tackle whatever's coming.
      3. Let go of expectations.
      Whether it's a custody agreement or a conversation about how to deal with the holidays, not having any expectations will save you endless disappointment. According to the Second Truth of Buddhism, desire causes suffering. The desire for a certain outcome is what creates our expectations, and unmet expectations lead to inevitable disappointment. Let go of them, and embrace the uncertainty of this phase of your life. Whatever happens, you'll be able to handle it. Trust yourself.
      4. Enjoy your freedom.
      You are free to move, to travel, and to date and meet new people. Embrace that freedom. William Butler Yeats said, "The world is full of magic things patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper." This is a whole new chapter. What do you dream about doing? Does your work feed your soul? Find out what does, and go after it.
      5. Learn to forgive.
      The end of a relationship is inevitably painful, and it may be difficult to forgive your ex. It starts, believe it or not, with forgiving yourself. You are your worst critic, and when things like this happen, we tend to focus on what we did wrong. Reflecting on the past is only beneficial insofar as it helps you make better choices in the future. Learn the lessons, then let go. I’ve been going through a divorce for two years, and I still struggle with forgiveness. I am a stronger person because of what I've dealt with. Knowing that empowers me to forgive.
      6. Be present.
      Our lives are continually disrupted by text messages, phone calls, and social media. It's becoming more and more difficult to just be present. Think about what being present means to you. For me, it means communing with nature. It means going for a walk and noticing the bright sky, the trees changing colors, or the birds chirping. I try to look at the world the way my children see it. They see the ocean in a puddle, a forest monster in a pile of leaves, a valiant fortress in the boughs of a tree. Try to sharpen your sense and see the magic around you.
      7. Shed the toxic people.
      You can't make a toxic person happy, but they will likely succeed in bringing you down if you keep spending time with them. The end of a major relationship should be a time of cleansing, getting rid of the debris of your life. Reconsider your relationships in this new phase, and distance yourself from anyone who drains you. It is OK to distant yourself from people not adding value to your well-being. If you want to make the most of this next period in your life, you need to surround yourself with positive people who will uplift and support you through the hard times and the good.
      https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-keep-your-breakup-from-making-you-bitter?utm_term=pos-8&utm_source=mbg&utm_medium=email&utm_content=daily1&utm_campaign=170713
    • By James Thomas Rook Jr.
      Has the Society ever ruled on what happens if a man or woman abandons their spouse forever ... is the one abandoned stuck forever ?
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      Cancer Does Not Stop Local Jehovah's Witness Couple

      Leslie and Jim Donigan attend the Jehovah's Witnesses conference today at Silverstein Eye Centers Arena in Independence, Missouri. (Mike Sherry | Flatland)
      At happy moments, Jim and Leslie Donigan often find themselves dancing to “Quiet Nights of Quiet Stars,” the Andy Williams hit that has been their song since they first met at a pizza joint in Mission, Kansas, decades ago.
      One of those dance-worthy occasions took place late last year, at the end of a long medical journey. The memory remains strong, even though they have hit a recent bump in the road.
      As Jehovah’s Witnesses, they plan to attend the Midwest convention that runs today through Sunday at Silverstein Eye Centers Arena in Independence, Missouri. Organizers believe few attendees embody this year’s theme, “Don’t Give Up,” more than the Donigans, who are both 71 years old and live in Kansas City. About 5,000 people are expected to attend, said Craig Cochran, the convention’s media services coordinator.
      The ability to be part of a global experience of faith is important to the Donigans, as they once again face medical uncertainty. “It’s like a spiritual family reunion,” Jim said.
      A website for the religion says there are more than 8.3 million Jehovah’s Witnesses in 240 countries. According to the Pew Research Center, fewer than 1 percent of American adults are Jehovah’s Witnesses.

      “Don’t Give Up” is the them of this year’s Jehovah’s Witness conference. (Mike Sherry | Flatland)
      Jehovah’s Witnesses believe in God, who is called Jehovah.  As Christians, they believe in heaven and salvation, but they do not believe in hell or eternal suffering.
      Witnesses, as followers are called, believe the Bible to be the inspired word of God. However, they recognize some parts are symbolic and do not believe all parts of the Bible are to be understood literally.
      Jehovah’s Witnesses also do not believe in blood transfusions, based upon their reading of passages in both the Old and New testaments. They cite Genesis 9:4, for example, where God says, “Only flesh with its soul — its blood — you must not eat.”
      No ‘Cowards in the Foxhole’
      On Oct. 1, 2004, Leslie fainted. That was abnormal for her, a runner who lives a healthy lifestyle.
      Doctors could not pinpoint a cause, and later that month they understood why: They found a gastrointestinal stromal tumor, a rare cancer that leaves no blood marker. The tumor was growing on a section of the small intestine and was also threatening her pancreas.
      The belief about blood transfusions was an obvious complication when it came to surgery.
      So, the Donigans worked through a Jehovah’s Witnesses group in Brooklyn to find Dr. Marvin Romsdahl, a surgeon at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, who performed a modified version of a common surgery to remove pancreatic tumors. The modified version did not require a transfusion.
      The night before the surgery, the anesthesiologist backed out because of the risks of doing surgery without blood transfusions. “That’s good,” Jim told Romsdahl. “We don’t need any cowards in the foxhole.”
      The surgery lasted 13.5 hours, but it was successful.
      Yet further treatment included a prescription for the chemotherapy pill Gleevec. The cost of the therapy, which Leslie said at the time cost $2,500 per month, brought them to the breaking point, even after using Social Security and Medicare.
      “It’s always been more than we could swallow,” Jim said, “and progressively over time, it took everything.”
      More bad news hit in 2008, when Jim lost his banking job during the recession. They had to sell the house they had built nearly four decades before, the same house where they had raised their three children.
      But in one sliver of good news, a neighbor approached them during their garage sale and told them he would buy another house for sale on the block and then rent it to them.
      Things began to look up, as Jim found another job, Leslie qualified for a hardship program that allowed her to take Gleevec for free, and then got off the medication altogether when her cancer went into remission.
      The cancer returned, however, and Leslie must remain on Gleevec for the rest of her life. Now, Gleevec costs $13,000 per month, she said.
      Another Test
      In April 2016, the family was tested again, when Jim started having shortness of breath.
      Their first thought was a heart problem, but the first diagnosis was multiple myeloma, a form of incurable blood cancer. A second opinion was different, but not any better: a form of Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which causes tumors to grow in the lymphatic system.
      A PET scan revealed 100 tumors, and Jim started his own costly round of chemotherapy.

      The Donigans vist with their son, Joel, and his wife, Carrie, at the conference. (Mike Sherry | Flatland)
       
      His lymphatic system failed during treatment, causing fluid buildup around his stomach and lungs. Jim suffered malnutrition when draining the fluid removed electrolytes and proteins.
      By October, doctors gave him two months to live. Leslie got it in writing.
      Yet as he sat in the hospital, saying his goodbyes, Jim had a thought: “Why couldn’t we take those fluids from my stomach and put them back into my heart, where they need to be?”
      The question sparked an idea for one of Jim’s doctors, who inserted a shunt normally used to treat cirrhosis. Within two weeks, the fluid buildup was gone.
      On Dec. 27, when he was home filing paperwork, Jim came across the letter telling him he only had two months to live. He did the math, and then they had an “I ain’t dead yet party.”
      At the party, Jim sipped his first glass of wine in a year, and the couple danced once again to their favorite song. The luster remained up until this week, when an infection flared up around the shunt, and the fear of cancer returned.
      This most recent medical challenge has shown Jim and Leslie how important their faith is in preparing them for the troubles that can lie ahead. The convention, and especially its theme, is coming at just the right time to help guide them through this newest trial, Leslie said.
      “No one is shielded from the human experience,” Leslie said. “But personally, we find it better to be prepared to keep these types of relapses in their proper perspective.”
      — Catherine Wheeler is a multimedia intern for Flatland. She is a graduate student studying journalism at the University of Missouri, Columbia. Catherine has a bachelor’s degree in English-Writing from Fort Lewis College in Durango, Colorado. She currently lives in Kansas City. You can reach her at cwheeler@kcpt.org

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    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      Friday's parliamentary vote in Berlin to recognize the right of same-sex couples to wed was a long-awaited victory for German liberals. But the vote was a defeat for the woman who seemed to have emerged as one of the country's most popular icons of liberalism: German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
      She welcomed over 1 million refugees, abandoned nuclear energy over safety fears and has urged President Trump to respect human rights.
      On Friday, however, Merkel voted against same-sex marriage, despite having paved the way to its recognition only days earlier.
      The anti-marriage-equality party line of Merkel's Christian Democratic Union (CDU) had long prevented the law from being passed. But on Monday, the German chancellor cleared the way for the issue to win approval in the German Parliament by allowing lawmakers to choose according to their personal convictions after being pressured into a vote by the Social Democratic Party. “I would like to steer the discussion more toward the situation that it will be a question of conscience instead of me forcing something through by means of a majority vote,” Merkel said earlier this week.
      Read more: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2017/06/30/why-angela-merkel-known-for-embracing-liberal-values-voted-against-same-sex-marriage/?utm_term=.b6ce6745071c
    • By Bible Speaks
      The marriage bond is strengthened when each partner behaves as a lesser one.
      ?????
      "Let us pursue the things making for peace and the things that are upbuilding to one another."—Rom. 14:19.

    • By The Librarian
      Do Jehovah’s Witnesses help couples deal with marital problems? Do congregation elders have to approve the divorce of a Witness?

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    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      A Jehovah's Witness was attacked by her husband who feared she was going to cancel Christmas, a court has heard.
      Jason Mortimore struck his wife Rachael in the face three times with a magazine before burning her Bible and other religious documents in a garden incinerator.
      Mortimore, 46, admitted racially aggravated assault and criminal damage at Exeter magistrates court yesterday (TUES). He was fined a total of £666 but the court did not impose a restraining order on him.
      The court heard that the couple had been married for 12 years and have three children. 
      In November Mortimore saw that his wife, who "has returned to her faith of Jehovah Witness", had thrown away some Christmas brochures and he assumed she was not going to celebrate the festivities.
      Before she could explain he hit her with a magazine around the face, prosecutor Warjinder Sadeghi said.
      A few days later they had a row and she woke up to find him burning her Bible and other religious documents in a garden incinerator.
      Mortimore also dumped other religious leaflets in their recycling bin.
      He denied the offences in police interview but said their relationship was under strain and he did not want their children to be influenced by her religion.
      Peter Seigne, defending, said his client had pleaded guilty at the first opportunity.

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    • Guest Nicole
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      “Like a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.” ~Jack Kornfield
      I picked up the butter cookies and a small postcard-sized painting I had brought for her.
      I took the third-floor hotel elevator down.
      Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths.
      The elevator ride was less than five seconds, but our time spent apart was five years.
      Five years after the divorce I had flown up to see her again.
      I’m not sure what led to this meeting. We had emailed each other a couple times out of the blue, and before you know it, we were meeting.
      It could have been our final goodbye, the closure we needed. Or maybe even in the back of my mind, it was the new beginning that I’d secretly imagined.
      I don’t know. I walked out to see her after a five-year hiatus. In our memories were the international long-distance romance we had, the difficult marriage we had endured, and the painful divorce we had gone through together.
      When we initially parted ways, she was still pursuing her education and getting adjusted to life in America.
      Yet, today she was different. She spoke of her new travels, new experiences, new house, and new job.
      She talked about the ups and downs of the different relationships in her life.
      Close friends, social events, and the search for the “one”—her “one”—were her focus.
      As we spent the day together, a startling but simple realization came over me.
      She had moved on.
      Life was on the up and up. She seemed to have let go of everything we had shared.
      She was a bird that was soaring, while I felt like a bird that hadn’t gone very far from the same branch I was still sitting on.
      She seemed to have moved on like our past had never happened. I was holding on like it was still happening.
      I realized it was way past time to completely let go of what we had shared.
      She had moved on, and I need to finally move on as well.
      If your ex has already moved on, perhaps my lessons will help you do the same.
      Shift your perspective on the relationship.
      Whatever story you’re telling yourself about the relationship, you need to be retell it. You’re likely holding onto the sad and tragic version. You were left behind as the victim as your ex was the heartbreaker who didn’t give the relationship a chance.
      Shift the story to the one that is the most empowering for you. How about a story of how you both gave it your best? You fought, you loved, you laughed, and you cried. You tried over and over when things didn’t seem to work. You fought, forgave, broke up, got back together, and finally called it off for good.
      You both gave it your all but it didn’t work out. It wasn’t for lack of trying. It was you coming to the conclusion that you were different people, both good people, who were incompatible for each other. You both helped each other grow and become better versions of yourself.
      The more you can flip your perspective on your ex and the relationship, the easier it will be to move on.
      Release blame, anger, and resentment once and for all.
      If you haven’t completely let go of the relationship, you may still be holding on to instances of on injustices by your ex. You may still be feeling betrayed, hurt, or angry about something your ex did.
      Until you can let go of these feelings of resentment on anger, you’re not going to be able to let go or move on.
      You’re not going to lose anything by releasing these feelings, but you will gain your peace of mind and freedom.
      Let go for yourself.
      Even if your ex was entirely at fault and deserves the worst kind of karma, you’re not going to get caught up on it. You are not the universe’s policeman.
      Your ex is human and made mistakes. You’re going to release the resentment and anger and forgive your ex for what they did.
      If you made mistakes, you have to be willing to forgive those too.
      When you don’t forgive your ex or yourself, it keeps the past injustices and pain still burning like it happened today.
      Forgive for yourself. Forgive for your peace of mind.
      Thank your ex for how far they brought you forward in your life.
      Instead of focusing of how much better off your ex is doing or how you’re falling behind, while they are moving ahead, reflect on how far you’ve come yourself.
      While our marriage was difficult and our divorce was soul-crushing, honestly, I grew so much from this relationship. I had so many insights about myself, made drastic life changes, and became an entirely new person.
      You can either compare and mourn or thank your ex and appreciate how far they’ve brought you along.
      You might not have welcomed the pain, but it’s likely made you into a newer and improved version of yourself.
      Remind yourself of how far you’ve come.
      Yes, when you’re comparing yourself to your ex, you might feel bad about yourself and like you’re stuck, but it’s not wise to compare yourself to someone else. If you feel a need to compare, then compare yourself to where you were before.
      In my case, I was stuck in dysfunctional relationship patterns, I was carrying around a lot of emotional baggage, and I was stuck in a soul-crushing career.
      Regardless of where she’s at today, enough therapy and learning has helped me become a new person. I have many more tools to navigate life, and I’m doing work that sometimes doesn’t even feel like work.
      I’m living more in line with my values today and have the freedom to pursue my creativity and writing.
      You don’t have to be soaring like your ex.
      Just remember that you’re not stuck crawling like you were in the past.
      Remind yourself that today is the only thing you can do something about.
      You cannot change the past, the relationship, or your ex.
      You cannot go back and un-do your mistakes or do something different.
      There’s no point in wallowing in regret, past disappointments, and failures that you can’t do anything about.
      Focus on what you can control—the changes you make today.
      You can become the person you’re capable of becoming today.
      You can create the life you want today.
      Keep bringing yourself to the moment you can do something about: the present moment. In this moment, you can shift your perspective. You can make different choices. You can create the life you want.
      Live less in the futile past and more in the hopefulness of today.
      See the uncertainty in your life as an adventure.
      The most difficult part of my marriage ending was the uncertainty of my life.
      See, when you’re married or in a relationship, you have a location. The world identifies you in a certain way. You know who you’re spending your weekends with or who you have to plan the holidays with. You know who you list in the relationship column of Facebook.
      Yet, after a breakup, all these questions are uncertain and more than likely, unknown. I’ve discovered that I, and humans in general, hate uncertainty.
      We would rather tolerate an unbearable situation than the unknown.
      You can view uncertainty as a tsunami about to happen or a surfing vacation in Hawaii.
      The more you see your future life as an adventure that is filled with excitement and novelty, the easier it will be for your to welcome in the life waiting for you.
      Pursue the life you visualize every day.
      You can get stuck focusing on where your ex is at or what your ex is doing, but this is neither healthy nor productive.
      Instead, get super clear on what you want.
      What is the life you envision for yourself every day? What values and principles do you want to guide your life?
      How would you like your life to look each day?
      Now, you may not be able to create that life instantly, but you can start doing small things each day that get you closer to the life you want.
      If you envision spirituality in your life each day, create time for a spiritual practice or class.
      If you see creativity in your life each day, make time for your creative ventures.
      If you see self-care as a necessity for your best life, reduce your commitments and take better care of yourself.
      You might not have the life you envisioned right now, but if you start taking small steps each day to live the life you want, before you know it, your visions will be your reality.
      What’s helped you let go of the past when your ex has already moved on?
      https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-move-on-when-your-ex-already-has/
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      How long should a couple date before marriage?
    • By Bible Speaks
      25 "Therefore, now that you have put away deceit, each one of you speak truth with his neighbor, because we are members belonging to one another." (Eph.4:25) NWT
      Don't let your ears witness what your eyes didn't see. Don't let your mouth speak what your heart doesn't  feel.    Live a honest life for Jehovah! 

      IMG_8907.mov
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      1. Your partner's communication style has done a 180.
      You've always wished your spouse would complain less about you. Suddenly, he has and it's downright eerie! Once a partner has abandoned the (oh so irritating) repair attempts like nagging you to change, it's a good indicator they've given up.
      We all have days when we don't feel like talking, but a general trend of shutting down the lines of communication and creating distance makes it easier to pull the plug when they deem the time is right.
      There's a distinct difference between your spouse going through something that has nothing to do with you and harmful breakdowns of communication—so don't call a lawyer just yet.
      2. Financial behavior and cash conversations begin to morph.
      This doesn't necessarily mean your spouse is suddenly hiding the credit card bill. It could also mean that he will send you on a luxury girls' weekend out of the blue!
      It could be that there are suddenly new bank accounts, new loans, and old passwords are being changed. Maybe he suddenly feels compelled to pay the phone bill when that's always been your job. When financial changes within a relationship occur, it could signal that a partner is starting to think about their future—and what it looks like without you in it.
      Be aware of gripes about changes in earning potential, a reduction in compensation or bonuses, or other complaints—especially if he has had a solid career history and job performance. It could be a setup to reduce financial expectations and responsibilities when he tells you he wants a divorce. Similarly, they could start showering you with gifts if they sense you are growing increasingly distant.
      3. They're annoyed about everything.
      Every married person has the unique ability to annoy their partner like nobody else on the planet. However, these annoyances fluctuate in the landscape of a healthy marriage and often can be quelled with humor and warmth.
      But if your partner is suddenly always on edge and you feel unable to smooth the tension with a loving tease, tender kiss, or something spicier, you may not be imagining things. He could be checking out of your relationship but feel unsure about how to truly cut the cord.
      In my book, Soon-to-Be-Ex, we explore this further. Don't discount the possibility that you actually are being particularly annoying right now and need to do some work yourself!
      4. Your spouse has taken on a great interest in other things—except you.
      Some autonomous interest in hobbies is perfectly healthy. The flames of romance need plenty of oxygen to thrive.
      What is not normal is when one partner seemingly has moved on to finding a new, singular interest in hanging out with friends, traveling solo, is practically living on the golf course—and places no focus on even trying to include you.
      Disinterest creates distance. If you suddenly feel like you have been pushed out of the fun activities or the other events and happenings that you used to share together, he could be having thoughts about a solo future.
      5. Cheating
      If your spouse is suddenly possessive of his electronic devices, is abruptly required to work late, or has a sudden abundance of "business trips," this could be a sign he's either cheating or damn close.
      Other signs of infidelity include increased concern about appearance, or possibly even overcompensating when it comes to your relationship. All of those signs could point to an affair—and combined with points 1 through 4 on this list could indicate your spouse is getting his proverbial ducks in a row to leave.
      If cheating does seem likely, I advocate for people to have an open, honest conversation.
      Note: If you're suddenly breathing into a paper bag, relax. Many healthy marriages may have one or two of these signs crop up at various stages. Relationships ebb and flow. The point of this list is to keep you alert so that you can face difficulty directly and, if you chose not to act, aren't blindsided when divorce papers show up on the kitchen table.
      http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-29330/5-signs-your-partners-considering-divorce.html?utm_source=mbg&utm_medium=email&utm_content=daily&utm_campaign=170318
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