By Guest Indiana
Before deciding to date it is important you pay close attention to the person you are interested in. How do they treat others? Are they spiritually mature? How do they handle money matters? How do they handle responsibility? What are their strengths? What are their weaknesses? There is never a reason to settle for less. We don’t need to look for perfection, but when it is clear that they require a ton of assembly or when they don’t have very important qualities or skills needed to make a marriage a success, we would be wise to hold off from pursing a courtship. Normally, when purchasing an item we do research to make sure we are getting the best quality. Why would we do any less when it comes to something as life changing and important as choosing a marriage mate. Also, if I am aware that I have a ton of assembly required and lack in many areas of life, why not work on those things first before trying to date. If we really like someone we should want them to have the best, right? “Patience is the key”. (See YPA Vol 2 Chapter 1)
By Guest Kurt
Single Christians who are looking for a marriage mate recognize the risks of online dating sites, especially the risk of developing a relationship with a person whom one knows very little about on Social Media. Yes, We're talking about Facebook, Instagram, ..Snapchat. Etc.
So You're Single and looking.
The Bible says: “Keep strict watch that how you walk is not as unwise but as wise persons, . . . because the days are wicked.Â”Â—Ephesians 5:15, 16.
Brothers, you could be chatting online to a Con-Man named Phil, not a Sister.
Sisters, You could be talking to a Sexual Predator, or a Con Man from another Country, not a Spiritual Brother.
Yes, it's true, Online dating is very risky business. Many have been robbed, stabbed, beaten ferociously, raped, killed and dismembered after meeting lying, manipulative psychopaths online. Let this be a Stark warning for those who wish to meet with someone they've been chatting with online.
The Bible says: Â“The shrewd one sees the danger and conceals himself, but the inexperienced keep right on going and suffer the consequences.Â”Â—Proverbs 22:3.
We'll like to add, Please Do Not Send Your Hard Earned Money To Anyone. If you are being asked for money, (Red Flag) you have met a Con Artist looking for a meal ticket. Just Say: "No" And BLOCK them. No one wants to be Traumatized.
By Guest Nicole
When we find ourselves interested in a certain job or person our initial inclination may be to only focus on the things that we like about it. We zoom in on those aspects of the job or person and this can cause us to miss out on the bigger picture. That great job that pays very well may cause you to miss meetings or service. That guy with the dreamy eyes or that girl with the beautiful smile could have disgusting habits, may treat others poorly or may lack spiritual qualities. It's important that we learn how to back up and look at whatever we may be interested in objectively. Even more important it is to not make costly decisions without relying on Jehovah. Proverbs 3:5,6-"Trust in Jehovah with all your heart, And do not rely on your own understanding. In all your ways take notice of him, And he will make your paths straight."
By Guest Nicole
Jeremiah 17:9- The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate. Who can know it? Proverbs 6:27-Can a man take fire to his chest and not burn his garments?The heart can cause us to make unwise decisions when it comes to dating. It can also cause us to develop feelings for more than one person. Our heart may even convince us that we are just being kind to those of the opposite sex when in reality we may actually be flirting with others and leading them on. Thus causing them to develop feelings toward us that we have no intention of reciprocating. It can happen to anyone ( even those with privileges) and without us even noticing it. It's important we identify where to draw the line. Also it requires honest self examination as to our feelings and relationships with others. (Check out the article "Are We Just Friends-or more?, Parts 1 and 2" g 6/12 pp.15-167)
By Guest Nicole
How long should a couple date before marriage?
By Guest Nicole
Opposites attract, so date someone who's nothing like you. But, wait a minute—isn't it important to find someone who has a similar background, values, and goals? There's so much conflicting dating advice out there, how can you possibly figure out how to find love?
While it's true that finding a partner with qualities that differ from yours can add balance and excitement to a relationship, problems can arise when there are too many differences. The more compatible you are with your partner, the more successful your relationship will likely be.
Here are seven areas of compatibility to examine when choosing a partner. They don't all have to line up perfectly, but the more aligned you two are, the better the relationship will be.
Do you get along well most of the time or find that he/she irritates you on a regular basis? Do you find yourself saying, "If only she'd think before she spoke" or "I wish he'd be less lazy"? Is he overly anxious? Does her alphabetized music collection make your skin crawl? What you see is what you get; so if you don't like your partner's temperament, don't try to fix it. Find someone whose personality is more compatible with yours.
2. Communication style
Are you direct or indirect in communicating what's important to you? Are you passive while she's assertive? Do you hold things in until you explode or speak your mind clearly and directly? If you can both communicate clearly and in a similar fashion, you'll have a much higher chance for a successful relationship.
3. Friends and family
Do you like and get along with each other's friends and family? Do you agree about how much time to devote to both? And if you're both single parents thinking about tying the knot, are you clear about how you'll parent? If friends and family issues become too stressful, they will have a very negative effect on your relationship.
4. Nutrition and fitness
Are you a gluten-free vegan while he is a Big Mac addict? Do you surf the waves on the weekend, while she's home surfing the web? This may seem like a minor point, but think about how many meals you will share with each other. How do your partner's food choices and attention to fitness align with your lifestyle and values? If you're not a good match in this area, you will probably have big challenges in your relationship.
Many people say that they are seeking a partner who is financially secure. In today's volatile financial market, financial security is not something you can count on. A few more appropriate questions are, "Are you responsible with finances? Are you generous? Do you contribute to charities?" Money is one of the things couples fight about most often. It is helpful if you share similar financial goals and habits.
I don't believe you have to be with someone who has the exact same level of education. In fact, there are many brilliant people who never graduated college (Steve Jobs, Rachael Ray). However, couples who share similar backgrounds in education (and that includes self-study), life, and professional experience are usually better suited for each other. They have more in common and can relate to each other in a deeper way. They are on the same wavelength and truly "get" each other.
There are many things that come under the category of intimacy, including romance and public display of affection. Some couples have different sexual needs, which can lead to anger and resentment. An essential component of a lasting loving relationship includes having similar ideas about frequency and style of intimacy. So if you're more Mr. Fifty Shades and she's Ms. Low Libido, you will have issues in your relationship.
What can you do if you are not compatible?
It doesn't have to mean things can never work, but these are your options:
Accept things as they are. Work on yourself and the relationship. Leave the relationship. Remember that the only person you can change is yourself. You partner will only change if he/she wants to.
If you are dating to find a lasting, loving relationship, it is far more effective to choose a compatible partner from the start than to try to fix a relationship with a weak foundation. Don't be afraid to walk away if your basic needs are not met. There are millions of singles in the world. Move on and find a better fit. And make sure to use the most powerful four-letter word in dating—"Next!"
By Guest Nicole
By Guest Nicole
A masseur who raped an 80-year-old woman during a massage in her Victorian home has been jailed for three years and nine months for a crime a judge described as "incomprehensible".
Malcolm Lee, 56, was hired by the woman's daughter to provide a massage therapy session for the older woman, and on April 1 attended her home and had her lie on her back, without a towel over her naked body.
Lee rubbed her legs, the County Court heard, and then digitally raped the woman, touched her breast and kissed her on the lips.
He later told police he thought the woman was consenting to what he was doing, but judge Gerard Mullaly on Friday rejected that explanation as fanciful.
Judge Mullaly said Lee's conduct was "an abhorrent violation of a vulnerable woman", and bewildering.
"Any right-minded member of the community would immediately be taken aback and ask how you could do such a thing to a vulnerable 80-year-old woman in her own home, all within an hour or so of meeting her for the first time, and all while you were there for the purpose of providing a professional massage," the judge said.
"It would have been plain to you that the massage organised by a daughter for her 80-year-old mother would be an orthodox massage.
"That is a massage performed in accordance with well-understood standards of a proper massage therapy.
"It simply would go without saying that this was not to be a massage where it would be conceivable, let alone be permitted, for you to touch the victim in any sexual way whatsoever.
"Unfortunately for the victim, and for you, inappropriately touching her was exactly what you did."
Judge Mullaly said Lee's violation left the woman stunned and frozen in fear, but that she summoned great dignity when she told him: "Thank you for what was quite a massage. Much more intimate than I expected and somewhere along the way some boundaries were crossed."
Lee later told police he believed the woman consented to what he was doing, although he also told the woman's daughter he had crossed boundaries and was sorry.
Judge Mullaly described as preposterous Lee's claim of consent.
"Rather, you touched her in the ways that you wanted because you wanted to. Simple as that," he said.
Lee, a masseur for 14 years who was registered with the national body, pleaded guilty to rape and sexual assault.
His lawyer this week called for him to be spared jail because of his mistaken belief about consent, his subsequent remorse and previous good character. He had since split from his wife and was ostracised by his family and friends in the Jehovah's Witnesses church.
But Judge Mullaly said jail was the only appropriate penalty for the "brazen" breach of trust, which had had a significant impact on the woman and her daughter.
The victim endured nightmares initially and her shock and anger had subsided into sadness and depression that had "diminished the quality of her life". The daughter felt guilt at arranging the massage, but Judge Mullaly said she was blameless and that Lee alone was responsible.
Lee must serve 2½ years before he is eligible for parole.
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By Guest Nicole
What's your idea of the perfect date?
By Guest Nicole
Would you date a reproved?
By Guest Nicole
How long would you wait to meet a person you have been knowing/dating on line?
By Guest Nicole
By Guest Nicole
Marriage can be a beautiful thing when done properly. However, if you marry for the wrong reasons you can find yourself in a relationship that is not what you thought it would be. Look beyond the physical to the 'secret person of the heart'. Take your time,and if you are young keep in mind 1 Cor 7:36-"But if anyone thinks he is behaving improperly by remaining unmarried, and if he is past the bloom of youth, then this is what should take place: Let him do what he wants; he does not sin. Let them marry." Emphasis on "past the bloom of youth." Most importantly keep Jehovah in your decision making at all times.(Though the comic shows the guy in the dog house the situation can go either way.)
By Guest Nicole
It took 5 years after my divorce for me to start meeting people again.
For many years I couldn’t imagine ever meeting anyone new because I was still stuck on my past relationship. I enjoyed marinating in the past, feeling sorry for myself, guilty for what had happened, and fearful of what could happen in another relationship.
I had no desire to meet someone new. As time passed and I did the work of grieving and healing, things changed. In a more grounded and healed space, I am open to meeting new people in my life.
Having met a few women of late, I’m beginning to wonder if another relationship is even possible. Is the “one” person out there for me? Will I find love again? Will I find another relationship?
I know that if you’re divorced, broken up, or single for a long time, it can feel like you’ll never meet someone again. You might feel like you’ve done everything you can to meet that special someone but it doesn’t seem to be working.
Here are 7 things to keep in mind if you feel like you will never be with someone again.
You are enough by yourself.
Before you can meet someone and find a relationship, you must do inner work. Some of us have a lot of inner work to do. You might not know how to love yourself. Others might have a bad relationship with themselves. You might not feel complete or enough. Before seeking a relationship, you have to learn to be enough by just being you. This means accepting yourself for who you are. It’s realizing that you don’t need anyone but yourself. It’s realizing that you are complete. To realize that you are enough, look for ways to honor and appreciate yourself. Think about your loving and generous nature. Affirm daily that you are enough, you are loving and you are complete.
How you treat yourself is more important than any relationship.
You want a relationship filled with kisses, kind words, shared memories, and support, but can you receive love from someone else if you can’t accept it from yourself? Before trying to love someone else, love yourself. Do for yourself what you would do for someone else. Be considerate to yourself. Be patient to yourself. Be positive to yourself. Be gentle with yourself in the words you use and the way you treat yourself. Treat yourself to what you would enjoy. Splurge on yourself so you feel pampered and taken care of. Get enough sleep, rest, exercise, nutritious food and self-care. Treat yourself as you would treat your most devoted and passionate lover. If you’re seeking more ideas, check out my self-romance book here.
Visualize the relationship you want in your life.
It is important to know what kind of person you want in your life, so visualize them. Think of the person’s characteristics, values and world perspective. I try to focus on the internal qualities that I am looking for instead of the external ones. I’m not as preoccupied with someone’s career, looks or credentials. I’m not hiring someone to work for me or someone to show off to others. I’m looking for someone who is compatible with me, someone I can live with for the long term. So, visualize this person, but focus on what matters. What qualities in a partner do you desire? How would those qualities make you feel? Imagine the sensations and feelings of being with the person you adore and who fits the picture you’re looking for.
Let go of your attachment to having a relationship.
While it is good to have a picture of the person you want, you have to balance that with the need to let go of that picture as well. Don’t obsessively focus on that person in your visions. Worst of all, don’t focus on the fact that this person is not yet in your life. Engage in moments of visualization daily, but then let go. Learn to be comfortable with yourself and without that person in your life. Let go of the “needy” or “lack” energy in your life. Don’t focus on what you don’t have. Focus on the fact that the universe is doing its work to bring you that person. You do your part (living your life) and surrender to the rest.
Your beliefs rule your life.
Your beliefs affect your thoughts. Your thoughts affect your actions and your words. All of this ultimately affects your reality. Your belief system rules your life more than anything else, yet it’s the one thing you can’t see. If you feel hopeless about love or frustrated that you won’t ever meet anyone, you’re likely right. You cannot have self-sabotaging beliefs and expect life to give you something better than what you’re thinking about all the time. If you want a relationship, it’s essential that you shift your belief to a more empowering one. Visualize that person coming into your life. Affirm that you’ll meet someone. Trust that you’ll do it at the right time. Continue to see a picture of what’s possible and believe that you’ll meet the right person. Affirm and commit yourself to a positive picture of love each day. No matter what the past has held, believe your time for love is right around the corner.
Live your life to the fullest.
Regardless of what’s happening in your love life, the way to propel it forward is to live your best life every day. Many people are waiting to live until they meet their partner. You don’t need a partner to live the life you want to have. Sitting at home, refusing to go out with friends and being allergic to doing those things that bring you joy are not helping you find love. If you’re doing those things you’re passionate about and enjoying life every day, you’re more likely to see love coming your way. Raise the vibrations in your life to what it is you want to experience. If you fill yourself with happiness, joy, friendship and companionship each day, even without a partner, you will draw more of that into your life.
Be open to meeting people.
You have to mentally be open to meeting people wherever you are. You also have to open your heart to meeting people. Are your mind and heart open to relationships or closed like a castle door? If you’re avoiding social events, staying away from group activities and refusing to engage with bigger groups of people, you’re preventing yourself from finding the person you’re looking for. Instead of hiding in your cubicle or in your tiny space in the world, take small steps to come out of your shell. Get comfortable being around a couple of people and build yourself up to being in bigger groups. You may not like to be in bigger crowds, but challenge yourself each time. Your best life (and your dream partner) are waiting for you outside of your comfort zone.
By Guest Nicole
He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. Does your life ever feel like this? Sometimes it's amazing. Sometimes it's less than desirable? Do you ever feel this way toward your partner? Sometimes adoring everything about them and sometimes looking for the exit?
There are several habits that take us out of the fun, excitement, and joy of relationships and draw us into the trauma and drama that so often destroys them.
If you would like your relationship to thrive continually, to be continuously growing, lose these five common relationship-ruining habits:
1. Looking for what's wrong
How often do you focus on what's wrong? What's wrong with your partner, what's wrong with your relationship, and what's wrong with you? Judgment is the No. 1 relationship killer. Judging the wrongness of you, your partner, and your relationship will ruin it faster than anything.
If you have fallen into the habit of looking for what's wrong, a great question you can ask is, "What's right about this that I'm not getting?" You can also ask, "What's right about my partner that I'm not getting?" And, "What's right about me that I'm not getting?"
Asking these questions will take you from looking for what's wrong to having gratitude for all it. And gratitude is the antidote for judgment.
2. Mimicking other relationships
Often we try to mimic the relationship of others. Maybe we think that there's a right way and a wrong way to do relationships, so we try to figure out the right way and copy that.
Or, maybe we see a relationship that is working well and we decide that they've figured it out and we try to duplicate what's working for them. This only leads to frustration and more judgment of you and your partner because your relationship will not be like anyone else's. You need to do what works for you.
My friend Gary Douglas, who's also the founder of Access Consciousness®, tells a story about a toothpaste tube. Gary likes to squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom. His wife, however, likes to squeeze it in the middle. After 16 years of irritation over the toothpaste tube, he had an epiphany. Oh! We could have two tubes of toothpaste.
What if you could stop looking at relationships based on what everyone else is doing and ask, "What's the most pragmatic solution I can have here?" You might just find choices and solutions you never considered before!
3. Giving yourself up in the relationship
How many times have you entered a relationship only to find that a few weeks in, everything has become about the other person? You stop doing what's fun for you. You stop hanging out with people you enjoy. Your life becomes all about your partner, and you give up more of yourself than you bargained for.
This never works! You are the most valuable ingredient in your relationship. If you take yourself out, the relationship doesn't have a chance. Keep you in the relationship. Continue to do what you enjoy. Choose to spend time with people that you value and that value you. This adds to your relationships. It doesn't take away.
If you've stopped doing what you enjoy and stopped connecting with friends, you can start again today! Begin by taking one hour each day to do what you love.
4. Replaying the mistakes of the past
Do you ever wake up in the morning and the first thing you remember is how your partner messed up yesterday? Maybe they forgot to do something you wanted them to do. Maybe they were cranky and took it out on you. Whatever happened yesterday and every day before that, rather than replaying it in your head, could you let it go?
An effective way do this is, every morning when you wake up, is to destroy and uncreate your relationship. To destroy and uncreate your relationship doesn't mean to end the relationship. It means to end the judgment, the expectations, and the resentment that kill your relationship so that you can have all the joy of your relationship.
Every day say, "Everything that our relationship was yesterday, all the judgments, all the conclusions, all the expectations, I let those go now."
Use this tool and notice that every day the relationship is even better than it was the day before.
5. Getting into a relationship rut
Have you lost the fun and excitement that was there in the beginning of your relationship? Do you find yourself sometimes bored? Wondering what's next? Wishing you could ignite the spark again?
If that describes your relationship, you can change it! Make the choice daily to be in your relationship. If you do this, you will move from existing in the relationship back into the creativity, fun, and excitement that was there when it first began.
Whether your relationship is new or one you've been in for many years, it can still be fun, playful, and enjoyable. It's never too late to let go of the destructive habits that ruin relationships and begin to create something that works.
Choose gratitude. Choose to keep yourself in the relationship. Let go of the judgments, expectations, and conclusions that you may have picked up along the way and allow the sense of wonder, creativity, and adventure to be your relationship reality.
By Dr. Dain Hair/MBG