By Guest Indiana
Whenever you read a heartwarming article or see a picture that is particularly hopeful, tear it out for your scrapbook. Warehouse these positive images and bits of news in a notebook or box and and keep adding to them
Elon Musk expresses gratitude for Tesla supporters, intends “to do right by the loyalty you’ve shown us”By Guest
Throughout a heartfelt presentation for the Model 3 release party, Elon Musk repeatedly expressed his and Tesla’s immense appreciation of the loyalty given to the company by its many fans.
He specifically thanked those who purchased the Model S, Model X, and Roadster vehicles for making the Model 3 possible. He also gave shout-outs to the many fans who waited for hours or even days in order to be first in line for Model 3 reservations last year. Musk said that the team at Tesla would enter “manufacturing hell” over the next six to nine months as they attempt to ramp up production of the vehicle, hoping to reach a volume of 5,000 a month by the end of 2017.
Hello guest! Please register or sign in (it's free) to view the hidden content. Hello guest! Please register or sign in (it's free) to view the hidden content. With the audience largely populated by Tesla employees, there was still a tangible air of excitement in spite of the difficult and long hours almost certainly ahead of everyone who works at the company. Musk reiterated the hope that Tesla would be able to able to ship all the initial reservations by the end of 2018, and also told those reserving a Model 3 now that there is a chance they will also receive their vehicles by that same time. It seems likely that that will slip to 2019, but Tesla has long publicly acknowledged the fact that delays were possible or even likely as the company attempts to reach unprecedented levels of EV production.
While rather short on specific details many hoped for, today marks the beginning of customers taking their Model 3s home. While only 30 vehicles have been released thus far, that number should rise rapidly into the tens of thousands by the end of the year. Soon to come will be the first publicized customer opinions of the vehicles, so keep your eyes peeled.
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By Guest Nicole
By Guest Nicole
By Guest Nicole
We've all felt the sting of being let down, frustrated, unfulfilled, or not quite good enough in our lives and relationships. I have been guilty of having unrealistic expectations of others, wanting them to shower me with compliments, approval, and validation, sometimes even trying to control situations or outcomes in an attempt to get what I thought would make me feel good. It was a painful, exhausting way to live.
Studies show that basing our self-worth on external factors is actually harmful to our mental health. One study at the University of Michigan found that college students who base their self-worth on external sources (including academic performance, appearance, and approval from others) reported more stress, anger, academic problems, and relationship conflicts. They also had higher levels of alcohol and drug use, as well as more symptoms of eating disorders. The same study found that students who based their self-worth on internal sources not only felt better, but also received higher grades and were less likely to use drugs and alcohol or to develop eating disorders.
Through the consistent practices of self-compassion and meditation, I've discovered a few perspective shifts that have transformed my sense of self-worth. I've found that when I base my self-worth on who I am and my inherent value as a human being rather than what others think or how much I achieve, my confidence soars and my inner critic quiets.
1. Develop self-sufficiency.
For the majority of my life, I got my self-worth from the outside world—someone else's approval or validation dictated how I felt about myself. What a setup that is! I've learned that when we place our worth outside of ourselves (career, money, material possessions, relationship, appearance), we can never have enough or be enough.
Being independent from someone else's thoughts of me (both positive and negative), and instead trusting in God/Spirit/Universe for my value, I have become more self-sufficient and as a result, experience more peace, freedom, and material success.
Sure, compliments are very nice to hear, but my mood and mental and physical health and worth are no longer dependent on another's approval of me. As long as we are basing our worth on another's opinion of us or how people choose to treat us, we will never be able to live up to our full potential and experience true joy.
2. Let people off the hook.
Instead of looking to others for validation to make us feel worthy or enough, how about reframing to the notion that nobody owes us anything?
When we are truly anchored in our own self-love and get our self-worth from the unique qualities that make us one-of-a-kind, we become self-sufficient. We don't need to go to our partners, friends, work, food, alcohol, or social media for a quick ego boost. We can turn inward and look to a higher power for our value, knowing we are enough simply because we are alive.
3. Accept that people can't give you what they don't have.
I've looked to significant others, bosses, parents, or friends to tell me something to make me feel better or treat me a certain way so I could feel valued, respected, and loved. But if a client simply doesn't have any more money in their budget to pay me, they can't give it to me, and perhaps the solution is to find an opportunity where the compensation matches the value, skills, and experience I bring to the table. Maybe our partner isn't respecting us because he or she lacks self-respect. If a customer service representative is frustrating us because they can't help us with our request, maybe that person hasn't been properly trained and is simply doing the best they can.
I've learned that the people who have cheated us, hurt us, or done us wrong cannot necessarily make amends—either they are unwilling or unable. Waiting for and expecting others to apologize, make it up to us, or even admit they were wrong implies a belief that their actions can make us feel whole again. But when we are dependent on others to make us happy or behave a certain way, we will always be disappointed on some level.
The good news is if we put our faith in our own understanding, we will never be let down. The universe is self-organizing and self-correcting.
4. It's not about keeping everyone happy; it's about fulfilling your life's purpose.
As long as we are doing our best, honoring ourselves and our purpose, we will feel less and less inclined to seek the approval of others. Instead of feeling offended when people fail to acknowledge us, what if we could see it as an opportunity to expand and grow? What if we embraced the fact that we are being prepared to take our lives to the next level and start fulfilling our mission?
The less I depend on people to validate me, the stronger my emotional muscles become, and in turn, the stronger my sense of self-worth. I have accomplished more both personally and professionally in less time and need fewer compliments to keep me going simply because of my faith in myself and in the Universe. Focusing on the special characteristics that make me ME is much easier and more rewarding than waiting for someone to say or do something that will make me feel good for only a matter of minutes before I need my next "fix."
Our lives truly become more full when we turn our attention inward to the miracle that we are, release expectations, and stay detached from outcomes and other people's opinions. Try it out for yourself, and let me know how it goes!
By Guest Nicole
Sabrina here and I'm going to share some insights that will change all of your relationships for the better, especially your relationships with men. It comes down to one major realizations and that is: no one can ever make you feel a certain way. Allow me to elaborate.
Let's say you have two girls who are equally attractive, equally smart, equally successful and so on. The only difference is that one is supremely confident and the other is extremely insecure. Now let's say these girls date the same guy. And let's say the guy makes the exact same comment to each girl, maybe he says something about her not being the hottest girl he's ever dated or something stupid like that. In this scenario, the confident girl will laugh it off. She will instantly recognize that he's trying to get a rise out of her and she won't give him the satisfaction of a response. Instead, she'll brush it off and will start to reconsider whether she wants to be dating someone so pathetic.
The insecure girl, however, will crumble and start to doubt everything about herself.
She'll stalk his Facebook profile endlessly trying to search for ex-girlfriends to figure out what they have that she doesn't. She may start acting passive aggressive towards the guy in an attempt to get compliments, affection, and apologies out of him. She'll start putting an insane amount of effort into her appearance in an attempt to win him over and prove how hot she is. She will whine to her girlfriends about how “ugly" and "insecure" he made her feel.
Now how can the same comment affect two people so differently? He said the same thing, shouldn't it have had the same impact? No, because the impact of an insult is in direct proportion to your sense of self.
If you feel amazing about yourself, nothing anyone else says will change your mind. If you stand on shaky ground, you will get knocked down time and time again.
I, like the majority of women, suffer from the occasional body image issues (this is something I actively work on, as we all should, and I am nowhere near as vulnerable to this kind of thing as I was in my younger years).
Several years back, I was at a boyfriend's place eating a yummy cake I had baked. We were sitting on the couch watching a movie and when I leaned over to cut myself a second slice, he pinched a layer of my flesh and jokingly said, "You sure you want that second piece?" Suffice to say I was furious and had to summon all the restraint I had not to take the cake and slam it in his smug face. Instead, I stormed out of the apartment, waited a few minutes for him to come out and comfort me, and when he did, proceeded to lash out at him for making me feel fat. He apologized profusely, of course, but my anger took weeks to subside.
And during that time, I was constantly analyzing my body and complaining about it. I would also make a big show about how little I was eating in front of the guy in some twisted attempt to make him feel bad and get him to apologize again and tell me how thin and beautiful I am.
Looking back, the only reason his words had such an impact is because I was already insecure in that area. Rather than accepting that this was my own insecurity, I blamed him for making me feel that way. (FYI- I'm not condoning what he did because it was pretty immature, I'm just using this example to illustrate a larger point.)
If that same thing happened to me today, I probably would have laughed and called him a jerk and said, “Yes, in fact I am having a second slice. I may even have a third," and that would be that. No arguing, no crying, no guilting, no resenting, none of the usual relationship killers.
I like my body as it is, so why should I allow anyone to make me feel otherwise? The choice is up to me and I choose to formulate my own opinions of who I am and how I look, rather than relying on outsiders to determine these things for me.
Another person's approval has no ability to affect your mood unless you think what he/she says is valid. If someone makes a comment and you have a reaction, it's because you already felt that way about yourself.
When you can truly internalize this, you will realize that there is no use harboring anger and resentment towards someone for making you upset or insecure.
When you allow your insecurities to dominate, you will be on high alert for anything that validates these feelings. Being constantly on the lookout for disapproval will guarantee you find it everywhere. If you go into the world expecting to be rejected, then you will see rejection everywhere and in everything.
You'll interpret your boyfriend being distracted by something as him losing interest and not finding you attractive. You'll believe the grumpy man working at the bodega thinks you're a fat big because you bought a tub of ice cream. You'll think your boss is mad at you and thinks you're incompetent because he/she didn't smile at you that day. You get the point.
When you really think about it, it's kind of funny that people react so strongly to criticism. I mean think about it, why should it ever affect you?
If someone says something disapproving, then whatever! They might have a point, but who cares? No one is perfect, we all have faults and the best we can do is either accept them or work on improving them. And if what they say isn't true, then seriously, who cares? You know it isn't true!
The lesson here is to build a firm foundation for your sense of self to rest on. When you do this, no one will make you feel anything. We are all works in progress, each and every one of us. If you can accept that and be kind to yourself, your quality of life (not to mention, the quality of your relationships), will significantly improve.
Lots of love,
A New Mode
By Guest Nicole
By Guest Nicole
Loneliness is a real condition that affects one out of every five Americans. It is a debilitating experience that makes its victims feel unworthy, misunderstood, and unseen. Most of us think the fix is to simply surround ourselves with people, but for for anyone who suffers from loneliness, you know all too well it isn’t as simple as that.
A new study has revealed that the feeling of being isolated—at least emotionally—is not just a symptom of depression. It’s an actual disease. Lonely people feel lonely even when they are surrounded by people. I know because I spent years being lonely. I thought it was a side effect of my depression, but even when I overcame it, the loneliness lingered. I began my own research and eventually discovered that loneliness is much more than a symptom of some other malady.
According to John Cacioppo (a pioneer in the field of social neuroscience and an expert on loneliness), “One can be quite happy being alone. Loneliness, however, is another story. It’s that feeling that you can be walking down a crowded street or have thousands of Facebook [friends] and Twitter followers, yet you still feel there is no one to relate to or turn to in times of need. Loneliness, essentially, can overtake you even when—and perhaps especially when—you’re not physically alone.”
In order to truly understand loneliness, we have to study it like the epidemic it is. People who suffer from loneliness feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated. But it doesn't just go away when you focus on the problem. The most important thing to do is validate the feelings of a lonely person. Showing up consistently as a friend is the best thing you can do.
But there are certain things you should never say to someone who suffers from loneliness—some of which you might think could actually make a positive impact. Here are a few of the most dangerous statements, and why they might make things worse rather than better.
1. You just need to go out more and meet more people.
People who suffer from loneliness are not lonely because they don’t know enough people. Some of the most well-known, popular people around are lonely. The fix isn’t more people. It’s people who care. Rather than suggest they meet more people, let this person know you are safe and can be counted on. That makes all the difference.
2. You just need more confidence.
Lonely people are often insecure. And loneliness exacerbates the sense of isolation, creating a vicious cycle. Often, unhealed fears from the past are the cause of present insecurity and feelings of isolation. But even confident people can feel lonely. Think of the most popular person you know. It may seem glamorous to have so much attention. But sometimes that person suffers inside. Don't assume someone is feeling good just because they seem to have it together.
3. You’ll stop being lonely when you meet “your other half.”
Assuming someone is lonely because they don't have a partner undermines the real reasons they might be lonely. Many of us assume single people are lonely, but loneliness is just as likely to strike people in partnerships. In truth, loneliness has little do to do with other people. Spend quality time with the people in your life who may be lonely. Ask them to open up about their lives. Many lonely people feel like they can’t share their truth with others, so giving them a safe place to be vulnerable is key.
4. You should join a meet-up group or do more of what you love.
According to the study referenced above, “The lonely brain has a suppressed neural response to positive stimuli. Positive images and events don’t register in the lonely brain as they do in the non-lonely brain. The idea of social contact with friends or family, for instance, sparks distinct activity in the brains of most people, while the response in the lonely brain is diminished.” Instead of assuming the fix is to do more fun things, just recognize that the pain they feel is real and valid.
Whatever the original cause of loneliness, the best we can do is be patient, understanding, and unfailingly kind. If you or someone you know is suffering from loneliness, reach out for help.
By Shannon Kaiser
By Guest Nicole
By Guest Nicole
It’s been close to 3 years since I separated and later on, divorced from my husband.
We were only officially married for 1 year and half but unofficially together for 7 years. He was my best friend. I looked up to him and secretly felt I could not keep up to his ability to be successful.
Three years ago, l lost sight of everything meaningful in my life, and spiraled into self- sabotage and rebellion. When we broke up, I took it upon myself to change as a person, because I thought that was partly the reason my marriage had deteriorated. What I came to realize is it was the marriage with myself that I never allowed to heal properly. Before we can love someone wholeheartedly, we need to love and accept ourselves first.
Year one taught me survival through various avenues of meditations, traveling, one-on-one coaching, researching topics of interest (self-help), and continuous self-introspective writing. Year two opened the doors towards discovering who I am, my true self and layers of my mind that contributed to my years of “unconscious” living (along with the help of therapy.) Year three helped me accept that I am already in the place I need to be and learning to accept myself as I am as well as being more compassionate with myself. It is also more of a “free” year, where I am living day by day and just being with myself not doing anything in particular as previous years – I am actively watching myself “just being me.” (As weird as that sounds!) I am very clear about the mistakes I made back then.
Marriage is when two imperfect souls can accept each other just as they are and grow as persons and as a unit simultaneously. Marriage is compromise, love, empathy, understanding, strength, vulnerability and maturity amongst the obstacles and difficulties thrown at us by the universe.
Divorce is just another new beginning to look at yourself and reflect on what went wrong.
It’s an opportunity to learn about yourself and to appreciate your previous partner as another teacher in your life (once you move past the anger phase, because you do experience it – and it’s totally normal!)
I learned more about me, then I did after any other difficult time period of my life.
It was hard for me in the first few months, as I am a sensitive individual. Time went so slow, my loved ones spent hours calling me, inviting me over for dinner, and sharing countless words of wisdom. I felt I was experiencing an outer body experience.
Surprisingly, work became more interesting because I drowned myself to avoid feeling pain. I often woke up earlier and fell asleep earlier than usual. I started experiencing anxiety attacks and I started praying frequently again. This only reaffirmed my desire to create change for myself. I am eternally grateful for the spiritual coach who guided me during this time and opened up doorways for my self-improvement (my healing).
Here are my tips to work on healing from your heartache while improving yourself and loving yourself:
1. Don’t lock yourself up indoors.
When we feel down, we feel lifeless, we are walking zombies and we do not want to get out of bed. My godfather told me, “When you feel sad: get up, grab your purse, open the door, and hear it slam. Then, come straight over to our house. No matter how many times. Get up and get out.” You have no idea, how much I have listened to this. Once you are out, you won’t suddenly feel thrilled but after 2hours of engaging with others, laughing or in-depth conversations of moral support, you will feel better.
2. Set intentions and be compassionate with yourself.
If you have no other options, because we tend to close up, then set an intention to be compassionate with yourself. For example, I have very few intimate friends, so I did often stay at home, in bed with the lights off. But, I knew I couldn’t stay there forever. I set a realistic intention to give myself a minimum of 3 days at home. Day 3 came and I would get up to go out or do an activity such as writing, visiting loved ones, going for a walk or seeing a movie.
3. Allow yourself to feel.
Do not avoid it. If you need to talk to someone (you trust) for hours to get things off your chest, do so. We are creatures of service; another person will listen to you and help you feel relaxed. If you don’t have someone, I recommend writing down every thought going through your mind. If you suddenly feel the need to cry or laugh, don’t hold it back. Feel it, watch it, and release it – whatever feeling it is, will go away on its own. Don’t avoid thinking or feeling by working overtime or going out every chance you get as an escape. In the long run, this will bring more harm because pain gets buried and will resurface when a new relationship or situation comes around.
4. Get help from a professional outsider: a coach or therapist.
I met a wonderful life coach through a mutual friend. She guided me in every session, hearing me out, giving exercises, written homework assignments and insight. Sometimes we need another’s eye and expertise to comprehend what we are going through and provide you tools to move forward. There were so many topics and tools I would have never thought of without her. She opened my mind to study myself and be understanding that this new life experience would allow me to reach my goals of healing, true love and self-acceptance.
5. Take a seminar or a class.
When you find yourself as a student again engaging in adding skills to yourself professionally and/or as a hobby – you are left with an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment, giddiness and success. It will make you feel so much better and you will begin to notice you forget about your sadness because you are doing something loving such as an exercise dance class, meet up group, meditation or yoga seminar.
6. Don’t do rebound relationships.
I have done these in the past, though I didn’t do it after my divorce from my last partner. I have found that you are still in a tender phase and you need to work on those feelings of hurt, discomfort and loss. Sometimes, we think we are ready and what we really need is to meet new people and be friends first. If the right partner comes along, you will know it. Don’t rush, take your time.
7. Don’t stay in contact with your ex/exes.
My last ex found it annoying I stayed friends with previous exes. He use to say, “Exes can’t be friends.” I use to debate this all the time. I found it brought me more harm than good, even affecting my marriage. Growing up as an only child with little or no family, we tend to make our friends our family. I couldn’t let go of certain relationships because I was scared to be alone. In past relationships, I had keep my exes as friends but by doing so I only kept it as “yellow” light just in case the flame would revive. In order to move on, we need to keep a distance. Otherwise, we are prolonging pain or in some cases, engaging in relationships with no ties – where there is always one person that gets attached and gets hurt. No matter how much we love or loved that person, we need to let go and accept the one relationship worth keeping is the one with ourselves.
8. Do pray or meditate.
Religion and spirituality continue to be the most contributing part of this healing and self-transformation equation. If you belong to a particular religion, prayer is universal – give it to God. If you are not part of any religion, being spiritual is another tool. Spirituality isn’t all about a religion. It is also about belief in yourself, your inner center, the universe and the stars. I went to free meditation seminars on Sundays during year one and even pulled up some good mediattions and mantras from YouTube. Meditation frees you to – give it to the universe. For me, giving myself to God and the universe through prayer and meditation allowed me to feel peace again, especially in those sad or anxious moments during and after my divorce.