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    • By admin
      What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in
      it!  These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

      JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
      After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
      one for cold milk?"

      MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
      was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't
      remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to
      six ."

      STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so
      much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."


      BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried
      in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
      explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her.
      Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's
      me?"

      SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please
      don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

      DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I
      cost?"

      MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
      kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his
      dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

      CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom
      asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen
      with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

      JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man
      named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his
      wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James
      asked: "What happened to the flea?"

      TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
      wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then
      asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

      The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular
      Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended
      toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we
      are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very
      obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly
      in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
    • By admin
      The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?"

      The guy answers, "A scotch, please."

      The bartender hands him the drink, and says, "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

      A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."

      The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."

      The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"

      The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!"

      The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

      To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch." 
    • By admin
      Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into
      her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number.
      "What kind of car was he driving?" he asked. 

      "I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another." 

      At that, Jim decided the time had come for a learning course, and for
      the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car
      they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.


      It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression
      on her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"
    • By admin
      A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

      One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.




      As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what?  'You have been with me all through the bad times.  When I got fired, you were there to support me.  When my business failed, you were there.  When I got shot, you were by my side.

      When we lost the house, you stayed right here.  When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what Martha?'

      'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

      'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck...
    • By admin
      A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

      The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

      Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

      The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

      The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

      The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
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