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Jack Ryan

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Everything posted by Jack Ryan

  1. Lincoln Ads - Saturday Night Live via Humor
  2. I’m leaving… right now!!!! via Humor
  3. I’m leaving… right now!!!! via Humor
  4. Funny church sign. via Humor
  5. Funny church sign. via Humor
  6. ————————- Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M” of money. The cardinality of set “M” is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set “M”. The set “C”, the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set “M”. Represent the set “C” as a subset of set “M” and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set “P” of profits? Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question? How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers. Teaching Math in 2000: By laying off 402 of its loggers, a company improves its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock options at $80. Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because this encourages investment. Teaching Math in 2010: A company outsources all of its loggers. They save on benefits and when demand for their product is down the logging work force can easily be cut back. The average logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had 3 weeks vacation, received a nice retirement plan and medical insurance. The contracted logger charges $50 an hour. Was outsourcing a good move? Teaching Math in 2013: A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to its Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the corresponding half of its US workers (the higher-paid half). It clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the spotted owl is responsible for the absence of fellable trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the company from all federal regulation. What is the return on investment of the lobbying costs? via Humor
  7. ————————- Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M” of money. The cardinality of set “M” is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set “M”. The set “C”, the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set “M”. Represent the set “C” as a subset of set “M” and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set “P” of profits? Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question? How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers. Teaching Math in 2000: By laying off 402 of its loggers, a company improves its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock options at $80. Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because this encourages investment. Teaching Math in 2010: A company outsources all of its loggers. They save on benefits and when demand for their product is down the logging work force can easily be cut back. The average logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had 3 weeks vacation, received a nice retirement plan and medical insurance. The contracted logger charges $50 an hour. Was outsourcing a good move? Teaching Math in 2013: A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to its Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the corresponding half of its US workers (the higher-paid half). It clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the spotted owl is responsible for the absence of fellable trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the company from all federal regulation. What is the return on investment of the lobbying costs? via Humor
  8. Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good. Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good. Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good. So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember its God ’ s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath. via Humor
  9. #9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world. #8 Life is sexually transmitted. #7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. #6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich. #5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years. #4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing. #3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. #2 In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal. #1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow via Humor
  10. Los Angeles, California. $475.00 “It is a hutch for sleeping” “One needs to climb a ladder to get in” “The last three people who have rented it were women who will testify as to it coziness” via Humor
  11. THIS IS VERY TOUCHING… One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?” “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass.“ "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said. “But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.” “Bring them along,” the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.” The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!” “Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind.” The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.” Come on now, you really didn’t think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story… did you? via Humor
  12. Dr. Geezer’s Clinic An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer’s clinic. “Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000.” Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic. This is what transpired. Dr. Young: — “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth.” can you please help me ?? Dr. Geezer: — "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.“ Dr. Young: — Aaagh !! – "This is Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.” Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.” Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Doctor Young: "Oh no you don’t, – that is Gasoline!“ Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.” Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see !!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so – ” Here’s your $1000 back.“ Dr. Young: "But this is only $500…” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.” Moral of story – Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old “Geezer ” !!!! via Humor
  13. A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments at Tim Horton’s. “My arms have go so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one. “Yes, I know,” said another, “My cataracts are so bad; can’t even see my coffee.” “I couldn’t even mark an "X” at election time because my hands are so crippled,“ volunteered a third. "What? Speak up! What? I can’t hear you”, said one elderly lady. “I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said one, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. “My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!” exclaimed another. “I forget where I am and where I’m going,” said another. “I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement. “Well, count your Blessings,” said a woman cheerfully, “Thank God we can all still drive.” via Humor
  14. Giving up shopping, hair appointments and chocolate. I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy chocolate with it instead of dinner?” “No, I had to stop eating chocolate years ago,” the homeless woman told me. “Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” I asked. “No, I don’t waste time shopping,” the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.” “Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” I asked. “Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!” “Well,” I said, “I’m not going to give you the money… Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.” The homeless woman was shocked. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.” I said, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and chocolate.” via Humor
  15. Frank - A Really Special Guy. A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.” Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Frank… he’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank every single time.” Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.” Cabbie: “Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with he pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy.” Passenger: “Sounds like he was somebody really special.” Cabbie: “Oh hell there’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all bout wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat it with. And he could fix anything—. Not like me - I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank, he could do everything right.” Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.” Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made mistakes, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never argue back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! I never knew him to make a mistake! No one could ever measure up to Frank . Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?” Cabbie: “Well. I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his wife”. via Humor
  16. 1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? 7) What was King George VI’s first name? 8) What color is a purple finch? 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass. Check your answers below…. ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?116 years 2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador 3) From which animal do we get cat gut?Sheep and Horses 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November 5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?Squirrel fur 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs 7) What was King George VI’s first name? Albert 8 ) What color is a purple finch?Crimson 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?New Zealand 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course) What do you mean, you failed? Me, too! (And if you try to tell me you passed, you LIED!) Pass this on to your brilliant friends. via Humor
  17. It was finals week and four college seniors decided they had worked hard enough. Instead of studying for their last final, they went to a party. They were having so much fun, they lost track of time and missed the final. The next day, they went to the professor and begged for a makeup final. To explain their absence they said their car had blown a tire on the way to the exam and there was no spare in the trunk. The professor agreed to let them take the test later that day. The test time came and the professor put each young man in a separate room and handed out the test. It was a single sheet of paper with one question… “Which Tire?” via Humor
  18. Say what you want to say…. via Humor
  19. Brooklyn, NY. $800.00 “Artist loft” “Highly recommend a sleeping bag as there is minimal furniture.” via Humor
  20. Bedford Stuyvesant, Brooklyn. $300.00 “cozy 28 square foot room with a rustic feel” “perfect for an old soul seeking a minimalist lifestyle” “room features a special ergonomic space for your mattress with a gentle 45 degree angled slope” “Not responsible for pre-existing spectral inhabitants” via Humor
  21. Bushwick, Brooklyn. $475.00 “very small room (about 9ftx9ft)” “no window, a pole in the middle and a wall air vent” via Humor
  22. Linden, NJ. $350.00 “small room for rent in a attic for a single girl” “i also will like to become more then just ur roomate like friends” “i have place a pics of me here so please attach a pics of u when u ready” via Humor
  23. thugpvssion: “Forget this stick. Square up Mickey.” via Humor
  24. Jack Ryan

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  25. LOL. Ever had a day that went like this? if u think that there has ever been a greater scene on television think again unsuccessfulmetalbenders: via Humor
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