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Showing results for tags 'cop jokes'.
Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country."Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.""Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.""If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.""Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.""So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?""Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?""Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.""The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?""Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop.""Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.""In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.""Just how big were those two beers?""No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.""I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.""You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been going about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are you Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7. You're not going to check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary! 9. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. 12. When the officer says "Gee son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"