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The One Shift That Will Immediately Change How You Feel In Your Relationship

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Guest Nicole

Relationship issues are inevitable; they are a part of our human experience. And this part of our life, essential to our well-being, can bring us to our knees or make us feel bad about who we are.

Have you ever heard yourself say these things?

  • "I hate the way you make me feel."
  • "What you are doing makes me insecure, and when you stop doing that, I will be happy."
  • "I can't deal with the way this relationship makes me feel anymore."
  • We are all affected by our relationships in some way. However, no matter what you are experiencing, there is one thing you can always do that will immediately affect how you feel and, in addition, will empower you and make you feel good about who you are instead of leaving you feeling depleted, exhausted, or lost.

So what can you do in the moment that you are at your wit's end, feeling hurt, upset, or confused?

Simply reconnect to yourself and use this very challenge, issue, or difficulty to become stronger and more of who you are meant to be. Use this challenge to become stronger and more powerful instead of allowing it to break you down or make you feel like a victim.

Here are three ways to take back the reins of your life and immediately change how you feel about yourself and your relationship:

1. Let go of the concept of "right and wrong."

Very simply, instead of focusing on what the other person did or didn't do, observe how you're feeling and identify what you need. By doing this, you are turning your attention back to yourself instead of being paralyzed and disempowered by pointing the finger at the other person.

If you've ever said, "If you would just change, everything would be OK," you know how easy it is to focus your attention on what the other person has said or done. The next time you find yourself doing this, ask yourself, "If this is the perfect person to help me become who I'm meant to be, what am I supposed to be learning from this relationship?"

2. Give up trying to change the other person.

Although this isn't easy, make a commitment to yourself to work on accepting the other person as they are. Each person brings their own "stuff" to a relationship—we all have our own history with our own issues, wounds, and challenges to overcome.

The next time you feel yourself taking on the other person's issue or trying to "fix" them, remind yourself that the only person you can change is you. And affirm for yourself, "I will focus on how I'm being affected and what I need to work through and will allow the other person space to work through their issues as well." By declaring this, you will be better equipped to not take on the other person's issues or take their actions personally.

3. Learn how to stop basing your worth on the condition of your relationship.

Give yourself the gift of diving deeper into your own inner exploration and development. By doing this, you will become more at peace with who you are and will know at a deep level that you are OK—even when your relationship isn't perfect or when things are happening that are hurtful or upsetting.

Begin by making a commitment to your growth. Affirm that reconnecting to yourself is the most important journey you will ever take. Then take one simple action this week: Start reading a self-help book, research a personal development course, or take 10 minutes each day to check in with yourself and identify what you need by asking, "What can I do in this moment to reconnect to who I am and what I need?" A few examples could be writing down three things that make you feel good about yourself, looking at some photos that bring a smile to your face, or spending some time in nature today.

Relationships are in a constant state of flux and bring a level of complexity to our lives that is out of our control. The one thing we always control is whether we will use our challenges to grow, expand, and become more of who we are meant to be or, instead, allow them to hold us back and limit our potential.

Today, make a declaration that you will use even the most difficult relationship in your life for a monumental purpose—your life's purpose—to grow and evolve into the person you are meant to be. And then do just that.

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-29951/the-one-shift-that-will-immediately-change-how-you-feel-in-your-relationship.html?utm_source=mbg&utm_medium=email&utm_content=daily&utm_campaign=170424

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This is very impressive advice ... sound... common sense.. practical.

There are MANY scriptures that say the same sorts of things, but written to an audience whose thinking patterns were quite different, 2,000 to 5,000 years ago.

Dave Barry commented on this as follows:

" Contrary to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop along-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term relationship.

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a veryloud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking:... so that means it was... let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way over due for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

COMMUNICATIONS GAP

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my school girl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that... It's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can,tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one tha the thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

A BEFUDDLED BEAU
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.
(This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

IT'S ANALYSIS TIME

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and every thing he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression,and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We're not talking about different wavelengths here. We're talking about different planets, in completely different solar systems. Elaine cannot communicate meaningfully with Roger about their relationship anymore than she can meaningfully play chess with a duck. Because the sum total of Roger's thinking on this particular topic is as follows:

Huh?

But the point I'm trying to make is that, if you're a woman, and you want to have a successful relationship with a guy, the No. 1 tip to remember is: 1. Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. The guy will not realize this on his own. You have to plant the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle references to it in your everyday conversation, such as:
-- "Roger, would you mind passing me a Sweet 'n' Low, in as much as we have a relationship?"
-- "Wake up, Roger! There's a prowler in the den and we have a relationship! You and I do, I mean."
-- "Good News, Roger! The gynecologist says we're going to have our fourth child, which will serve as yet another indication that we have arelationship!"
-- "Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we probably have only about a minute to live, I want you to know that we've had a wonderful 53 years of marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship."

Never let up, women. Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain. Some day he might even start thinking about it on his own. He'll be talking with some other guys about women, and, out of the blue, he'll say, "Elaine and I, we have, ummm... We have, ahhh... We... We have this thing." And he will sincerely mean it.

The next relationship-enhancement tip is: 2. Do not expect the guy to make a hasty commitment. By "hasty," I mean, "within your lifetime." Guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments. This is because they never feel ready.

"I'm sorry," guys are always telling women, "but I'm just not ready to make a commitment." Guys are in a permanent state of nonreadiness. If guys were turkey breasts, you could put them in a 350-degree oven on July Fourth, and they still wouldn't be done in time for Thanksgiving. "

 


 

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      by Donald Miller
      I’ve only had two friends (that I know about) who’ve looked me in the eye and told me lies. Both of them were trying to cover up mistakes. I certainly had grace for their mistakes, but I’ve wondered looking back if I didn’t have grace for their lies.
      Neither of these two friends are in contact anymore. We don’t talk. Being in a relationship with somebody who lies is tough. It’s not that you don’t love them or care about them, it’s just that you can’t connect.
      Without trust, there’s no relationship.
      Henry Cloud and John Townsend say people lie for one of two reasons.
      The first is out of shame or fear. Somebody may believe they won’t be accepted if they tell the truth about who they are, so they lie. You can see how religious communities that use shame and fear to motivate might increase a person’s temptation to lie.
      People who lie for this reason can get better and learn to tell the truth. Until they do, however, it’s impossible to connect with them, all the same.
      The second kind of liar is less fortunate.
      Some people lie simply because they are selfish. These liars are pathological. They will lie even when it would be easier to tell the truth. Cloud and Townsend warn that we need to stay away from these people. Personally, I think people like this are pretty rare, but I agree, we simply can’t depend on them emotionally or practically.
      Still I wonder if people who lie understand what they’re doing.
      I think some people want grace and certainly they can get grace, but when we lie, we make the people we are lying to feel badly about the relationships and about themselves. We like people who make us feel respected, cared about and honored. Lying to somebody communicates the opposite.
      Here are the things that lies did to my two relationships:
      When my friends lied, I felt disrespected and unimportant. They didn’t seem to care about me or trust me enough to tell the truth. This made me feel bad about myself, as though I were not important or trustworthy enough to be told the truth.
      When I found out the extent of one of the lies, I felt like a fool. Technically, my one friend didn’t really lie. She just told me “part” of the truth. It was as though she were testing out whether she was safe to be vulnerable. (She told many other lies, but this was just one of them). But it backfired. When I found out things were worse than she’d made them seem, I felt tricked and deceived. Again, without meaning to, she’d made me feel bad about myself because I felt like somebody who could be conned.
      I thought less of my friends. I knew they were willing to “cheat” in relationships. When we lie, we are stealing social commodity without having earned it. People can lie their way into power, and in one instance with a friend, she lied her way into moral superiority. Still, none of the authority or moral superiority (such a thing exists, and while it’s misused, it’s not a bad thing not unlike intellectual superiority or athletic superiority. It just is. An appropriate use of those two examples of superiority might be to lead a team or teach a class.)
      I felt sad and lonely. When we think we are getting to know somebody, we are giving them parts of our hearts. But when they lie, we know they’ve actually held back their hearts while we’ve been giving them ours. This made me feel lonely and dumb.
      I felt like I couldn’t trust them. The only thing more important than love in a relationship is trust. Trust is the soil love grows in. If there’s not trust, there’s no relationship. When my friends lied, our trust died. As much as I wanted to forgive them, and feel like I did and have, interacting with them was no longer the same. I doubted much of what they said. Sadly, I think both of them began to tell more and more of the truth. But it didn’t matter. Once trust is broken, it’s extremely hard to rebuild.
      If they didn’t confess (or lied in their confession) I felt like they didn’t care enough about me to come clean and make things right. They were still thinking of themselves.
      Here’s what didn’t happen.
      I didn’t think less of them. While I was angry, I wasn’t angry because I thought they were a bad person. The person who lied probably assumed I felt such things, but I didn’t. What really happened was I felt terrible about myself and when somebody makes us feel bad about ourselves, we tend to get hurt and move away.
      To be sure, somebody who lies has a lot of other stuff going on and it’s not so easy to come clean.
      For a liar to change, they need a lot of help.
      Lying is manipulation, so if a person is a manipulator and gets caught lying, they are most likely going to keep manipulating. They may tell more lies to cover their lies, or manipulate by playing the victim. They may try to find things other people have done that they see as worse and try to make people focus on that. What they will have a hard time doing is facing the truth (which would be the easiest way out of their dilemma. It’s just that they don’t know how to do it. (They’re survivors, scrappers and have learned to cheat to stay alive socially.)
      If you’ve lied in a relationship, though, and are truly wanting to LEARN to live on the up and up, what can you do? Well, there’s plenty.
      Life isn’t over yet. Here’s some places to start.
      Confess. And don’t half confess (just another lie) but actually confess.
      This may take some time for you. You may have to sit down with a pen and paper and write it all down. Your mind will want to lie, but you have to tame your mind. It may take you some time to even understand what the truth really is. You’re going to feel ashamed and at risk, but you have to go there anyway. People are much more kind and forgiving than you think. 
      And if they’re not, you should confess and find people who are more safe.
      Accept the consequences. You’re going to have to pay for your lies.
      People will not and should not trust you as much as they did before. However, getting caught in a lie and confessing a lie are two different things. The former will cost you everything. The latter will cost you a bit, but you can rebuild quickly. Another thing to consider is that the truth might have lost you a small battle, but you’d have won the war because in the long run people would have trusted you. From here on out, be willing to suffer the slight, daily consequences of telling the truth. You’d be surprised at how much less tension there is in your life when you walk openly and honestly.
      Don’t expect the relationship to be the same.If the person doesn’t forgive you, just know you can move on.
      You’ve confessed and hopefully apologized and you aren’t beholden to them anymore. They need to wrestle with forgiving you and that’s now their burden. It’s an unfair burden, but we all have to face such things.
      Don’t lie anymore. It’s not important that everybody like you or approve of you. Allow people to get used to who you are. Telling the truth may mean you don’t get to be in control anymore or that people won’t like you as much. That’s fine. At least they are interacting with the real you. The deep connections you’ll make from telling the truth are worth it.
      http://storylineblog.com/2015/05/22/the-devastating-power-of-lies-in-a-relationship/
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      “Like a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.” ~Jack Kornfield
      I picked up the butter cookies and a small postcard-sized painting I had brought for her.
      I took the third-floor hotel elevator down.
      Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths.
      The elevator ride was less than five seconds, but our time spent apart was five years.
      Five years after the divorce I had flown up to see her again.
      I’m not sure what led to this meeting. We had emailed each other a couple times out of the blue, and before you know it, we were meeting.
      It could have been our final goodbye, the closure we needed. Or maybe even in the back of my mind, it was the new beginning that I’d secretly imagined.
      I don’t know. I walked out to see her after a five-year hiatus. In our memories were the international long-distance romance we had, the difficult marriage we had endured, and the painful divorce we had gone through together.
      When we initially parted ways, she was still pursuing her education and getting adjusted to life in America.
      Yet, today she was different. She spoke of her new travels, new experiences, new house, and new job.
      She talked about the ups and downs of the different relationships in her life.
      Close friends, social events, and the search for the “one”—her “one”—were her focus.
      As we spent the day together, a startling but simple realization came over me.
      She had moved on.
      Life was on the up and up. She seemed to have let go of everything we had shared.
      She was a bird that was soaring, while I felt like a bird that hadn’t gone very far from the same branch I was still sitting on.
      She seemed to have moved on like our past had never happened. I was holding on like it was still happening.
      I realized it was way past time to completely let go of what we had shared.
      She had moved on, and I need to finally move on as well.
      If your ex has already moved on, perhaps my lessons will help you do the same.
      Shift your perspective on the relationship.
      Whatever story you’re telling yourself about the relationship, you need to be retell it. You’re likely holding onto the sad and tragic version. You were left behind as the victim as your ex was the heartbreaker who didn’t give the relationship a chance.
      Shift the story to the one that is the most empowering for you. How about a story of how you both gave it your best? You fought, you loved, you laughed, and you cried. You tried over and over when things didn’t seem to work. You fought, forgave, broke up, got back together, and finally called it off for good.
      You both gave it your all but it didn’t work out. It wasn’t for lack of trying. It was you coming to the conclusion that you were different people, both good people, who were incompatible for each other. You both helped each other grow and become better versions of yourself.
      The more you can flip your perspective on your ex and the relationship, the easier it will be to move on.
      Release blame, anger, and resentment once and for all.
      If you haven’t completely let go of the relationship, you may still be holding on to instances of on injustices by your ex. You may still be feeling betrayed, hurt, or angry about something your ex did.
      Until you can let go of these feelings of resentment on anger, you’re not going to be able to let go or move on.
      You’re not going to lose anything by releasing these feelings, but you will gain your peace of mind and freedom.
      Let go for yourself.
      Even if your ex was entirely at fault and deserves the worst kind of karma, you’re not going to get caught up on it. You are not the universe’s policeman.
      Your ex is human and made mistakes. You’re going to release the resentment and anger and forgive your ex for what they did.
      If you made mistakes, you have to be willing to forgive those too.
      When you don’t forgive your ex or yourself, it keeps the past injustices and pain still burning like it happened today.
      Forgive for yourself. Forgive for your peace of mind.
      Thank your ex for how far they brought you forward in your life.
      Instead of focusing of how much better off your ex is doing or how you’re falling behind, while they are moving ahead, reflect on how far you’ve come yourself.
      While our marriage was difficult and our divorce was soul-crushing, honestly, I grew so much from this relationship. I had so many insights about myself, made drastic life changes, and became an entirely new person.
      You can either compare and mourn or thank your ex and appreciate how far they’ve brought you along.
      You might not have welcomed the pain, but it’s likely made you into a newer and improved version of yourself.
      Remind yourself of how far you’ve come.
      Yes, when you’re comparing yourself to your ex, you might feel bad about yourself and like you’re stuck, but it’s not wise to compare yourself to someone else. If you feel a need to compare, then compare yourself to where you were before.
      In my case, I was stuck in dysfunctional relationship patterns, I was carrying around a lot of emotional baggage, and I was stuck in a soul-crushing career.
      Regardless of where she’s at today, enough therapy and learning has helped me become a new person. I have many more tools to navigate life, and I’m doing work that sometimes doesn’t even feel like work.
      I’m living more in line with my values today and have the freedom to pursue my creativity and writing.
      You don’t have to be soaring like your ex.
      Just remember that you’re not stuck crawling like you were in the past.
      Remind yourself that today is the only thing you can do something about.
      You cannot change the past, the relationship, or your ex.
      You cannot go back and un-do your mistakes or do something different.
      There’s no point in wallowing in regret, past disappointments, and failures that you can’t do anything about.
      Focus on what you can control—the changes you make today.
      You can become the person you’re capable of becoming today.
      You can create the life you want today.
      Keep bringing yourself to the moment you can do something about: the present moment. In this moment, you can shift your perspective. You can make different choices. You can create the life you want.
      Live less in the futile past and more in the hopefulness of today.
      See the uncertainty in your life as an adventure.
      The most difficult part of my marriage ending was the uncertainty of my life.
      See, when you’re married or in a relationship, you have a location. The world identifies you in a certain way. You know who you’re spending your weekends with or who you have to plan the holidays with. You know who you list in the relationship column of Facebook.
      Yet, after a breakup, all these questions are uncertain and more than likely, unknown. I’ve discovered that I, and humans in general, hate uncertainty.
      We would rather tolerate an unbearable situation than the unknown.
      You can view uncertainty as a tsunami about to happen or a surfing vacation in Hawaii.
      The more you see your future life as an adventure that is filled with excitement and novelty, the easier it will be for your to welcome in the life waiting for you.
      Pursue the life you visualize every day.
      You can get stuck focusing on where your ex is at or what your ex is doing, but this is neither healthy nor productive.
      Instead, get super clear on what you want.
      What is the life you envision for yourself every day? What values and principles do you want to guide your life?
      How would you like your life to look each day?
      Now, you may not be able to create that life instantly, but you can start doing small things each day that get you closer to the life you want.
      If you envision spirituality in your life each day, create time for a spiritual practice or class.
      If you see creativity in your life each day, make time for your creative ventures.
      If you see self-care as a necessity for your best life, reduce your commitments and take better care of yourself.
      You might not have the life you envisioned right now, but if you start taking small steps each day to live the life you want, before you know it, your visions will be your reality.
      What’s helped you let go of the past when your ex has already moved on?
      https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-move-on-when-your-ex-already-has/
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      Lindsay Dodgson/Business Insider
      May 11, 2017
      Unless you're a genetic anomaly, it's likely you will meet people you don't like throughout your lifetime. Whether it's your mother-in-law or one of your colleagues, you're bound to come across someone you simply don't click with.
      According to Deep Patel, author of the book A Paperboy's Fable: The 11 Principles of Success , it helps to remember nobody's perfect. That includes you.
      In a blog post for Entrepreneur.com , Patel highlights some tips successful people use to deal with people they don't get along with. After all, it's unlikely you'll simply be able to avoid people you don't like - in fact, Patel argues if you restrict who you can work with, you are only limiting yourself.
      Instead of burying your head in the sand, try and shift your perspective in the ways successful people do. Here are some tips from Patel and other sources such as Psychology Today .
      1. Accept that you can't get on with everyone.
      As much as we hope to like everyone we meet, it often simply isn't the case. Patel says the first step to dealing with the people you don't click with is accepting nobody gets on with everyone, and that's okay. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, and it doesn't mean they are either (not necessarily, anyway.)
      According to psychologist Dr Susan Krauss in a blog post on Psychology Today , it's likely that you and the person just aren't a good fit. Consultant and author Beverly D. Flaxington explains in another blog post on Psychology Today that our behavioural styles can get come between people. Some are dominant, whereas others are timid. Some people are optimists and others consider themselves "realists."
      A research paper by Hamstra et al looked at something called "regulatory fit," which translates as: we are much more likely to put effort into the things we like doing. Chances are you don't enjoy interacting with the people you don't like, and so you don't put much effort in. Over time, this lack of effort can turn into contempt.
      2. Try and put a positive spin on what they are saying.
      Krauss says you could try and look at how people are acting differently. Your in-laws might not have meant to imply that you aren't smart, and your co-worker may not actually be trying to sabotage you.
      Even if the person you're having difficulty with is aggravating you on purpose, getting angry about it will probably just make you look bad. So try and give them the benefit of the doubt.
      3. Be aware of your own emotions.
      Patel says it's important to remember your own emotions matter, but ultimately you alone have control over how you react to situations. People will only drive you crazy if you allow them to. So don't let your anger spin out of control.
      If someone is rubbing you the wrong way, recognise those feelings and then let them go without engaging with the person. Sometimes just smiling and nodding will do the trick.
      The key, Patel says, is in treating everyone you meet with the same level of respect. That doesn't mean you have to agree with a person you don't like or go along with what they say, but you should act civilised and be polite. In doing this, you can remain firm on your issues but not come across like you're attacking someone personally, which should give you the upper hand.
      4. Don't take it personally and get some space.
      More often than not a disagreement is probably a misunderstanding. If not, and you really do fundamentally disagree with someone, then try and see it from their perspective.
      Try not to overreact, because they may overreact in return, meaning things escalate quickly and fiercely. Try to rise above it all by focusing on facts, and try to ignore how the other person is reacting, no matter how ridiculous or irrational. Concentrate on the issue, Patel says, not the person.
      If you need some space, take it. You're perfectly within your rights to establish boundaries and decide when you interact with someone. If you feel yourself getting worked up, take a time-out and get some breathing space. President of TalentSmart Dr. Travis Bradberry explains it simply in a post on LinkedIn : if they were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? No, you'd move away and get some fresh air.
      5. Express your feelings calmly and consider using a referee.
      Usually, the way we communicate is more important than what we actually say. If someone is repeatedly annoying you and it's leading to bigger problems, Patel says it's probably time to say something.
      However, confrontation doesn't have to be aggressive. Patel recommends you use "I" statements, such as "I feel annoyed when you do this, so could you please do this instead."
      Being as specific as possible will make it more likely the person will take what you're saying on board. It will also give them a better opportunity to share their side of the story.
      Krauss says it might be a good idea to use another person as a mediator in these discussions because they can bring a level of objectivity to a situation. You may not end up as friends, but you might find out a way to communicate and work together in an effective way. She says learning to work with people you find difficult is a very fulfilling experience, and it could become one more way of showing how well you overcome barriers.
      6. Pick your battles.
      Sometimes it might just be easier to let things go. Not everything is worth your time and attention. You have to ask yourself whether you really want to engage with the person, or your effort might be better spent just getting on with your work, or whatever else you're doing.
      Patel says the best way to figure this out is weighing up whether the issue is situational. Will it go away in time, or could it get worse? If it's the latter, it might be better expending energy into sorting it out sooner or later. If it's just a matter of circumstance, you'll probably get over it fairly quickly.
      7. Don't be defensive.
      If you find someone is constantly belittling you or focusing on your flaws , don't bite. The worst thing you can do is be defensive. Patel says this will only give them more power. Instead, turn the spotlight on them and start asking them probing questions, such as what in particular their problem is with what you're doing.
      If they start bullying you, call them out on it. If they want you to treat them with respect, they have to earn it by being civil to you, too. Dr Berit Brogaard, a neuroscientist, explains in a blog post on Psychology Today that workplace gossip and bullying can be a method of power play, or a way of bullying others into submission.
      If you want to be sneaky to get someone to agree with you, there are psychological tricks you can use. Research suggests you should speak faster when disagreeing with someone so they have less time to process what you're saying. If you think they might be agreeing with you, then slow down so they have time to take in your message .
      8. Ultimately, remember you are in control of your own happiness.
      If someone is really getting on your nerves, it can be difficult to see the bigger picture. However, you should never let someone else limit your happiness or success.
      If you're finding their comments are really getting to you, ask yourself why that is. Are you self-conscious about something, or are you anxious about something at work? If so, focus on this instead of listening to other people's complaints.
      You alone have control over your feelings, so stop comparing yourself to anyone else. Instead, remind yourself of all your achievements, and don't let someone gain power over you just because they momentarily darken your day.
      This story originally appeared on Business Insider.
      http://time.com/money/4774379/how-to-deal-with-people-you-dont-like/
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      ‘I’m busy,’ signals you don’t have room for friends; be specific or cut back your calendar
      I recently asked a friend I haven’t seen in months if she wanted to get together and catch up. I envisioned us gabbing over cocktails at the new Vietnamese restaurant in our neighborhood. Or maybe I could fix her dinner.
      Her reply: “Sure. Why don’t you stop by for 45 minutes to an hour on Monday night around 8:30.”
      Continue reading
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      We all want to feel understood, respected, and appreciated in our relationships. But life can often get in the way and undermine the connection we used to have with our significant other, leaving our love feeling lackluster. It doesn't take much to feel like you're moving in opposite directions.
      Then there are the couples that appear to have perfect relationships. They light up when they see each other, speak highly of their significant other, and rarely seem to bicker. It's easy to assume that there is a magical connection between them that only a few get blessed with.
      But what if they were doing a few simple things that were responsible for keeping their relationship healthy?
      There are some basic things you can do to foster that sense of deep love and connection, even when you feel like your relationship is already starting on the back foot. These tips have the ability to significantly improve how happy and satisfied you both feel in your relationship. It's these behaviors that keep those happy relationships flourishing.
      Here are 3 ways you can start fostering positivity in your relationship:
      1. Start with your personal happiness.
      Happy people create positive relationships. If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you will always feel let down. When you're happy within yourself, you reflect that back into your relationship. Start with recognizing how you would rate your level of happiness currently. If you're not as happy as you'd like to be, ask yourself, "What can I do to support myself to feel happier?" The answer could include restarting a hobby, beginning a new health routine, connecting more with friends, or taking steps to follow a passion that is deep within your heart. The crucial element is that you need to step up and take responsibility for your own well-being. By taking action, you will feel more empowered and recognize that happiness ultimately has to be an inside job. This change in energy will move into your relationship.
      2. Look for the good.
      We're all happier when we feel appreciated. It's therefore hardly a surprise that relationships need more positive interactions than negative ones if they are going to thrive. Dr. Gottman's famous research found that you need to have five positive interactions for every negative interaction if your relationship is going to stay happy. Begin with consciously watching for what your partner is doing right, rather than consistently focusing on what they are doing wrong. Look for opportunities to voice your appreciation and aim to add as many positive interactions into your shared experience as you can. Feeling positive emotions is a precursor to a happy relationship. You have the ability to focus your attention so that you look for and appreciate the good in your partner. This simple action ultimately helps to remedy the balance of positive-to-negative interactions and set a relationship back on a healthy track.
      3. Make space to nurture your connection.
      Positive relationships are sustained by a foundation of strong connection. Just like a small child needs attention to feel truly happy, a relationship needs nurturing if it is going to continue to stay healthy. It is important to put time aside exclusively to connect with your significant other. Rather than assuming it will just happen, create it. It may be a monthly date night (where, thankfully, there is no TV to distract you), taking a walk together, scheduling a vacation, or choosing to fall asleep while cuddling on the couch rather than going to bed alone. Remember that time and energy dedicated to fostering your union is essential. Where your energy goes your attention flows. Attention is the fuel that will help your partner feel important and valued in your life, which will likely lead to the reciprocating of care and kindness.
      Even when your relationship isn't as happy as you'd like it to be, there are things you can do to improve it. When you take care of yourself and resolve to show up positively for your partner, things begin to flourish. The result—you'll feel both happier in yourselves and in your coupling.
      http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-29027/3-ways-to-improve-your-relationship-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-your-partner.html?utm_source=mbg&utm_medium=email&utm_content=daily&utm_campaign=170316
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      Opposites attract, so date someone who's nothing like you. But, wait a minute—isn't it important to find someone who has a similar background, values, and goals? There's so much conflicting dating advice out there, how can you possibly figure out how to find love?
      While it's true that finding a partner with qualities that differ from yours can add balance and excitement to a relationship, problems can arise when there are too many differences. The more compatible you are with your partner, the more successful your relationship will likely be.
      Here are seven areas of compatibility to examine when choosing a partner. They don't all have to line up perfectly, but the more aligned you two are, the better the relationship will be.
      1. Temperament
      Do you get along well most of the time or find that he/she irritates you on a regular basis? Do you find yourself saying, "If only she'd think before she spoke" or "I wish he'd be less lazy"? Is he overly anxious? Does her alphabetized music collection make your skin crawl? What you see is what you get; so if you don't like your partner's temperament, don't try to fix it. Find someone whose personality is more compatible with yours.
      2. Communication style
      Are you direct or indirect in communicating what's important to you? Are you passive while she's assertive? Do you hold things in until you explode or speak your mind clearly and directly? If you can both communicate clearly and in a similar fashion, you'll have a much higher chance for a successful relationship.
      3. Friends and family
      Do you like and get along with each other's friends and family? Do you agree about how much time to devote to both? And if you're both single parents thinking about tying the knot, are you clear about how you'll parent? If friends and family issues become too stressful, they will have a very negative effect on your relationship.
      4. Nutrition and fitness
      Are you a gluten-free vegan while he is a Big Mac addict? Do you surf the waves on the weekend, while she's home surfing the web? This may seem like a minor point, but think about how many meals you will share with each other. How do your partner's food choices and attention to fitness align with your lifestyle and values? If you're not a good match in this area, you will probably have big challenges in your relationship.
      5. Financial
      Many people say that they are seeking a partner who is financially secure. In today's volatile financial market, financial security is not something you can count on. A few more appropriate questions are, "Are you responsible with finances? Are you generous? Do you contribute to charities?" Money is one of the things couples fight about most often. It is helpful if you share similar financial goals and habits.
      6. Education
      I don't believe you have to be with someone who has the exact same level of education. In fact, there are many brilliant people who never graduated college (Steve Jobs, Rachael Ray). However, couples who share similar backgrounds in education (and that includes self-study), life, and professional experience are usually better suited for each other. They have more in common and can relate to each other in a deeper way. They are on the same wavelength and truly "get" each other.
      7. Intimacy
      There are many things that come under the category of intimacy, including romance and public display of affection. Some couples have different sexual needs, which can lead to anger and resentment. An essential component of a lasting loving relationship includes having similar ideas about frequency and style of intimacy. So if you're more Mr. Fifty Shades and she's Ms. Low Libido, you will have issues in your relationship.
      What can you do if you are not compatible?
      It doesn't have to mean things can never work, but these are your options:
      Accept things as they are. Work on yourself and the relationship. Leave the relationship. Remember that the only person you can change is yourself. You partner will only change if he/she wants to.
      If you are dating to find a lasting, loving relationship, it is far more effective to choose a compatible partner from the start than to try to fix a relationship with a weak foundation. Don't be afraid to walk away if your basic needs are not met. There are millions of singles in the world. Move on and find a better fit. And make sure to use the most powerful four-letter word in dating—"Next!"
      http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-29324/7-signs-youre-dating-the-right-person.html?utm_source=mbg&utm_medium=email&utm_content=daily&utm_campaign=170315
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      I received the below question from someone recently, and it reminded me how difficult it can be to distinguish the things that truly matter in a relationship from the things that we have been told "should" matter.
      Question: I've been dating Josh for about three months. He's a great guy, good-looking, smart, and most importantly, he treats me with respect. However, I've had a tough dating and relationship history. I was engaged to a guy who never followed through with his promises and broke off the engagement. I was married to a man who cheated. As you can imagine, trust has been difficult for me.
      I've been working on myself, and I now love and respect myself so much more. Because of that, I've been able to slowly develop this wonderful relationship. I don't want things to go wrong.
      Here's the problem: Josh has never said, "I love you." I feel that he really cares, but I'd feel so much better if I heard those words. Am I being silly or insecure? Or should I be concerned if he doesn't say those three magic words?
      Here's what I told her. I hope it helps you, too.
      Josh sounds like he's a good partner for you. He respects and cherishes you, which is fundamental to a lasting relationship. He honors and values you because you've learned to love yourself and to stop tolerating liars and cheaters.
      It sounds like this is a much healthier relationship than you've ever experienced. Let's celebrate that!
      You ask about those three little words; when is the right time to say, "I love you"? It sounds like you're ready to profess your love, and he might not be there yet. Here's how to know where you stand.
      Watch his actions, not his words.
      If he's showing you that he cares for you, that's what matters most. As you probably know, words are not as important as follow-through and consistency.
      I would be more concerned if he said "I love you" after only four dates, and his actions didn't match up. How do you know if his actions mean that he loves you? I have created an assessment to help you figure out if someone loves you, whether they've said it or not:
      Is this person calling and texting consistently?
      Do you get together on a regular basis?
      Is the relationship escalating and growing?
      Do you feel valued and cherished by this person?
      Do you feel safe with them (emotionally and physically)?
      Are they considerate, kind, and thoughtful?
      Do you feel good about the relationship when you're with them AND when you're not?
      Is this person open to talking things out when you disagree?
      If you can answer "yes" to all of the questions above, that person cares deeply about you and prioritizes you in their life.
      It's helpful to know that people express their love in many different ways, and it's not always in the way that we expect. In the wonderful book, The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman lists the five ways of expressing love as follows:
      Words of Affirmation
      Quality Time Giving Gifts Acts of Service Physical Touch I suggest you take the love languages assessment to find out what your preferred language of expression is. I highly recommend that you ask Josh to do the same so you can learn his love language too.
      Understanding the way you each express love is one of the keys to accepting and embracing your partner. It can lessen the anxiety you feel when you aren't getting what you need in a relationship.
      So, is it really important to hear the words "I love you"?
      I believe those three words are highly overrated. They can be meaningful if they're said in the right context and with sincerity. But they can mean different things to different people. To one partner, "I love you" means "I think you might be the ONE I've been searching for my whole life." To the other, "I love you" means "I like you a lot, and I want to sleep with you."
      There are many other ways to express your love. So, remember to watch what he does more than what he says. Understand each other's love languages. And once you've done that, you'll be able to take a deep breath and stop worrying so much about whether or not someone says I love you. Do you feel loved? That's all that matters.
      By Sandy Weiner/MBG
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      What's your idea of the perfect date? 
    • Guest Nicole
      By Guest Nicole
      Would you continue communicating with a brother/sister you like/have feelings but he/she has not showed romantic interest in you, maybe even clearly has said not to your intentions? 




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    • Isabella  »  admin

      Hi @admin
      I was looking for that post of what suggestions to give to make this forum more useful, I could not find it. So I am writing here, is it possible to...
      1) React to a personal message? ❤️
      2) Block a member? Sometimes I am very busy and don't want to waste my time reading posts/comments from members with symptons of mental disorders
      Thank you 

      · 2 replies
    • Eric Ouellet

      “ APPROCHEZ-VOUS DE DIEU, ET IL S'APPROCHERA DE VOUS”,
       
      “ APPROCHEZ-VOUS de Dieu, et il s’approchera de vous ”, a écrit le disciple Jacques (Jacques 4:8). “ L’intimité avec Jéhovah appartient à ceux qui le craignent ”, a chanté le psalmiste David (Psaume 25:14). Manifestement, Jéhovah Dieu veut que nous entrions dans son intimité. Cela dit, tous ceux qui adorent Dieu et obéissent à ses lois ne se sentent pas forcément proches de lui.
      Et vous ? Avez-vous des liens personnels étroits avec Dieu ? Sans aucun doute souhaitez-vous être encore plus proche de lui. Comment donc cultiver l’intimité avec Dieu ? Comment cela se traduit-il ? Nous trouvons des réponses à ces questions dans le troisième chapitre du livre des Proverbes.
      Manifestons la bonté de cœur et la fidélité
      Salomon, roi de l’Israël antique, commence le troisième chapitre des Proverbes par ces mots : “ Mon fils, n’oublie pas ma loi, et que ton cœur observe mes commandements, car longueur de jours, années de vie et paix te seront ajoutées. ” (Proverbes 3:1, 2). Rédigés sous l’inspiration divine, ces conseils paternels viennent donc en réalité de Jéhovah Dieu et s’adressent à nous. Nous sommes exhortés ici à nous conformer aux rappels de Dieu (sa loi, ou enseignement, et ses commandements) consignés dans la Bible. Si nous le faisons, “ longueur de jours, années de vie et paix [nous] seront ajoutées ”. Effectivement, il est possible dès maintenant de connaître une vie paisible et de nous garder des activités qui nous exposeraient au danger d’une mort prématurée, laquelle est souvent le sort des malfaiteurs. De plus, nous pouvons entretenir l’espérance de vivre éternellement dans un monde nouveau de paix. — Proverbes 1:24-31 ; 2:21, 22.
      Salomon poursuit : “ Que bonté de cœur et fidélité ne te quittent pas. Attache-les à ta gorge. Écris-les sur la tablette de ton cœur, et ainsi trouve faveur et bonne perspicacité aux yeux de Dieu et de l’homme tiré du sol. ” — Proverbes 3:3, 4.
      Le mot original traduit par “ bonté de cœur ” peut aussi être rendu par “ amour fidèle ” et contient les notions de fidélité, de solidarité et de loyauté. Sommes-nous déterminés à rester attachés à Jéhovah quoi qu’il advienne ? Avons-nous de la bonté de cœur dans nos relations avec nos compagnons chrétiens ? Faisons-nous ce qu’il faut pour rester proches d’eux ? Quand nous les côtoyons quotidiennement, gardons-nous ‘ la loi de la bonté de cœur sur notre langue ’ même dans des situations tendues ? — Proverbes 31:26.
      Abondant en bonté de cœur, Jéhovah est “ prêt à pardonner ”. (Psaume 86:5.) Si nous nous sommes repentis de nos péchés passés et que désormais nous fassions des sentiers droits pour nos pieds, nous sommes assurés que “ des époques de rafraîchissement ” viendront d’auprès de Jéhovah (Actes 3:19). Ne devrions-nous pas imiter notre Dieu en pardonnant à d’autres leurs fautes ? — Matthieu 6:14, 15.
      Étant “ le Dieu de vérité ”, Jéhovah exige la “ fidélité ” de la part de ceux qui recherchent son intimité (Psaume 31:5). Pouvons-nous vraiment espérer que Jéhovah soit notre Ami si nous menons une double vie, en ayant un certain comportement en présence de nos compagnons chrétiens et un autre hors de leur présence, comme les “ hommes faux ” qui cachent qui ils sont (Psaume 26:4) ? Quelle aberration ce serait, puisque “ toutes choses sont nues et mises à découvert aux yeux ” de Jéhovah ! — Hébreux 4:13.
      Comme à un collier inestimable ‘ attaché à notre gorge ’, il nous faut accorder de la valeur à la bonté de cœur et à la fidélité, car elles nous aident à ‘ trouver faveur aux yeux de Dieu et de l’homme tiré du sol ’. Nous devons non seulement manifester ces qualités extérieurement, mais aussi les graver ‘ sur la tablette de notre cœur ’, c’est-à-dire les intégrer à notre personnalité.
      Cultivons une confiance absolue en Jéhovah
      Le roi sage poursuit : “ Mets ta confiance en Jéhovah de tout ton cœur et ne t’appuie pas sur ton intelligence. Dans toutes tes voies tiens compte de lui, et lui, il rendra droits tes sentiers. ” — Proverbes 3:5, 6.
      Jéhovah mérite assurément que nous lui fassions totalement confiance. Il est le Créateur, “ vigoureux en force ” et Source de “ l’énergie vive ”. (Isaïe 40:26, 29.) Il est capable de mener à bien tout ce qu’il a décidé. D’ailleurs, son nom même, qui signifie littéralement “ Il fait devenir ”, nous inspire confiance en sa capacité de réaliser ce qu’il a promis. “ Il est impossible que Dieu mente ” : il est donc le modèle suprême en matière de vérité (Hébreux 6:18). Sa qualité dominante est l’amour (1 Jean 4:8). Il est “ juste dans toutes ses voies et fidèle dans toutes ses œuvres ”. (Psaume 145:17.) Si nous ne pouvons pas faire confiance à Dieu, à qui nous fier ? Bien sûr, pour cultiver la confiance en lui, nous devons ‘ goûter et voir que Jéhovah est bon ’ en mettant en pratique ce que nous apprenons dans la Bible et en réfléchissant au bien que cela apporte. — Psaume 34:8.
      Comment ‘ tenir compte de Jéhovah dans toutes nos voies ’ ? Le psalmiste inspiré dit : “ Je méditerai sur toute ton action, et je veux m’intéresser à tes manières d’agir. ” (Psaume 77:12). Dieu étant invisible, pour cultiver l’intimité avec lui il est indispensable de méditer sur ses actions grandioses et sur ses manières d’agir envers ses serviteurs.
      La prière est également un moyen essentiel de tenir compte de Jéhovah. Le roi David appelait Jéhovah “ tout au long du jour ”. (Psaume 86:3.) Il priait souvent la nuit, comme lorsqu’il était un fugitif dans le désert (Psaume 63:6, 7). “ Priez en toutes circonstances, en esprit ”, a exhorté l’apôtre Paul (Éphésiens 6:18). Quelle est la fréquence de nos prières ? Aimons-nous entretenir avec Dieu une communication personnelle et fervente ? Face à des situations éprouvantes, lui demandons-nous son aide ? Avant de prendre des décisions importantes, recherchons-nous sa direction en le priant ? Nos prières sincères à Jéhovah nous font aimer de lui. En outre, nous avons l’assurance qu’il écoutera notre prière et ‘ rendra droits nos sentiers ’.
      Quelle absurdité ce serait de ‘ nous appuyer sur notre intelligence ’ ou sur celle de personnes en vue dans ce monde alors que nous pouvons avoir une entière confiance en Jéhovah ! “ Ne deviens pas sage à tes propres yeux, dit Salomon. Au contraire, crains Jéhovah et détourne-toi du mal. Que cela devienne guérison pour ton nombril et rafraîchissement pour tes os. ” (Proverbes 3:7, 8). Nos actions, nos pensées et nos sentiments devraient toujours être gouvernés par la crainte salutaire de déplaire à Dieu. Cette crainte révérencielle nous empêche de faire ce qui est mauvais et, spirituellement, elle guérit et revigore.
      Donnons le meilleur de nous-mêmes à Jéhovah
      De quelle autre manière nous approcherons-nous de Dieu ? “ Honore Jéhovah de tes choses de valeur et des prémices de tous tes produits ”, recommande le roi (Proverbes 3:9). Honorer Jéhovah signifie le tenir en haute estime et l’exalter publiquement par notre participation et notre soutien matériel à la proclamation de son nom. Les choses de valeur dont nous honorons Jéhovah sont notre temps, nos talents, nos forces et nos biens. Elles doivent être nos prémices, ce que nous avons de meilleur. La façon dont nous utilisons nos ressources personnelles ne devrait-elle pas refléter notre détermination à ‘ continuer à chercher d’abord le royaume et la justice de Dieu ’ ? — Matthieu 6:33.
      Celui qui honore Jéhovah de ses choses de valeur ne reste pas sans récompense. “ Alors tes dépôts de vivres seront remplis d’abondance, assure Salomon, et tes cuves déborderont de vin nouveau. ” (Proverbes 3:10). Même si en soi la prospérité spirituelle n’entraîne pas la prospérité matérielle, l’emploi généreux de nos ressources pour honorer Jéhovah nous vaut de grandes bénédictions. Pour Jésus, faire la volonté de Dieu était une “ nourriture ” qui lui donnait de la vigueur (Jean 4:34). De la même façon, nous sommes ‘ nourris ’ en prêchant le Royaume et en faisant des disciples à la gloire de Jéhovah. Si nous persévérons dans cette œuvre, nos dépôts de vivres spirituels seront remplis d’abondance. Notre joie, figurée par le vin nouveau, débordera.
      Nous comptons aussi sur Jéhovah et le prions pour avoir suffisamment de nourriture chaque jour, n’est-ce pas (Matthieu 6:11) ? En réalité, tout ce que nous possédons nous vient de notre Père céleste plein d’amour. Jéhovah nous ajoutera des bénédictions dans la mesure où nous employons nos choses de valeur à sa louange. — 1 Corinthiens 4:7.
      Acceptons la discipline de Jéhovah
      Signalant l’importance de la discipline pour atteindre à l’intimité avec Jéhovah, le roi d’Israël nous donne ce conseil : “ Ne rejette pas, ô mon fils, la discipline de Jéhovah, et n’aie pas son blâme en aversion, car celui que Jéhovah aime, il le reprend, comme un père reprend le fils en qui il prend plaisir. ” — Proverbes 3:11, 12.
      Cela dit, la discipline n’est pas forcément facile à accepter. “ Toute discipline [...] ne semble pas, pour le présent, être une joie, mais une peine, a écrit l’apôtre Paul ; plus tard cependant elle rapporte à ceux qu’elle a formés un fruit de paix, c’est-à-dire la justice. ” (Hébreux 12:11). Le blâme et la discipline sont des aspects nécessaires de la formation qui nous rapproche de Dieu. La correction que Jéhovah nous administre, que ce soit par l’intermédiaire de nos parents, de la congrégation chrétienne ou de notre méditation sur les Écritures lors de notre étude individuelle, est une expression de l’amour qu’il nous porte. Ayons la sagesse de bien la prendre.
      Saisissons la sagesse et le discernement
      Le roi Salomon insiste ensuite sur l’importance de la sagesse et du discernement pour cultiver des relations étroites avec Dieu. Il déclare : “ Heureux l’homme qui a trouvé la sagesse, et l’homme qui obtient le discernement, car mieux vaut l’avoir comme gain que d’avoir comme gain de l’argent, et mieux vaut l’avoir comme produit que d’avoir de l’or. [...] Elle est un arbre de vie pour ceux qui la saisissent, et ceux qui la tiennent ferme, il faut les proclamer heureux. ” — Proverbes 3:13-18.
      Puis il ajoute quelque chose qui nous sensibilise à la manifestation de sagesse et de discernement dont la magnifique création de Jéhovah porte l’empreinte : “ Jéhovah lui-même avec sagesse a fondé la terre. Il a solidement fixé les cieux avec discernement. [...] Mon fils, qu’elles ne s’éloignent pas de tes yeux. Préserve la sagesse pratique et la capacité de réflexion, et elles seront vie pour ton âme et charme pour ta gorge. ” — Proverbes 3:19-22.
      La sagesse et le discernement sont des qualités qui viennent de Dieu. Non contents de les cultiver, gardons-les en ne nous relâchant jamais dans notre étude assidue des Écritures ni dans la mise en pratique de ce que nous apprenons. “ Alors tu marcheras en sécurité sur ton chemin, dit Salomon, et ton pied ne heurtera rien. Quand tu te coucheras, tu ne ressentiras aucun effroi ; oui, tu te coucheras et ton sommeil sera vraiment agréable. ” — Proverbes 3:23, 24.
      Nous pouvons bel et bien marcher en sécurité et dormir l’esprit en paix tout en attendant l’arrivée, comparable à celle d’un voleur, du jour de la “ destruction subite ” qui fondra sur le monde méchant de Satan (1 Thessaloniciens 5:2, 3 ; 1 Jean 5:19). Soyons sûrs que, même durant la grande tribulation imminente, ‘ nous n’aurons pas à craindre une chose redoutable, soudaine, ni la tempête sur les méchants, parce qu’elle vient. Car Jéhovah lui-même sera vraiment notre confiance et, à coup sûr, il gardera notre pied de la capture ’. — Proverbes 3:25, 26 ; Matthieu 24:21.
      Faisons le bien
      “ Ne refuse pas le bien à ceux à qui il est dû, recommande Salomon, chaque fois qu’il est au pouvoir de ta main de le faire. ” (Proverbes 3:27). Faire le bien à d’autres, c’est notamment puiser généreusement dans nos ressources en leur faveur, ce qui revêt de nombreux aspects. Toutefois, en ce “ temps de la fin ”, la meilleure chose que nous puissions faire pour notre prochain n’est-elle pas de l’aider à nouer une relation étroite avec le vrai Dieu (Daniel 12:4) ? C’est donc le moment, maintenant, d’avoir du zèle pour prêcher le Royaume et faire des disciples. — Matthieu 28:19, 20.
      Le roi sage énumère également des pratiques à bannir : “ Ne dis pas à ton semblable : ‘ Va, et reviens, et demain je donnerai ’, alors que tu as quelque chose chez toi. Ne trame rien de mal contre ton semblable, alors qu’il habite près de toi avec un sentiment de sécurité. Ne te querelle pas sans raison avec un homme, s’il ne t’a pas fait de mal. Ne porte pas envie à l’homme de violence et ne choisis aucune de ses voies. ” — Proverbes 3:28-31.
      Résumant la raison de ces conseils, Salomon dit : “ Car l’homme plein de détours est chose détestable pour Jéhovah, mais Son intimité est avec les hommes droits. La malédiction de Jéhovah est sur la maison du méchant, mais il bénit la demeure des justes. S’il s’agit de moqueurs, il s’en moquera, mais il témoignera de la faveur aux humbles. L’honneur, voilà ce que posséderont les sages, mais les stupides exaltent le déshonneur. ” — Proverbes 3:32-35.
      Si nous voulons entrer dans l’intimité de Jéhovah, ne tramons pas de projets tortueux ou malfaisants (Proverbes 6:16-19). Nous n’aurons la faveur et la bénédiction de Jéhovah que si nous faisons ce qui est droit à ses yeux. Il pourra même nous arriver alors de recevoir des honneurs inattendus lorsque d’autres remarqueront que nous agissons en accord avec la sagesse divine. Bannissons donc les voies pleines de détours du monde méchant et violent où nous vivons. Ayons une conduite droite et cultivons l’intimité avec Jéhovah !


      · 1 reply
    • Eric Ouellet

      PERLES SPIRITUELLES  GENÈSE CHAPITRES  42 - 43
       
      Restons unis dans l'amour en tout temps
      Vous estimez être assez grand pour rentrer tard les soirs du week-end, mais vos parents exigent que vous soyez là de bonne heure.
      Vous voulez aller voir le nouveau film dont tous vos camarades parlent, mais vos parents vous l’interdisent.
      Vous avez rencontré des jeunes sympathiques et vous aimeriez sortir avec eux, mais vos parents veulent d’abord faire leur connaissance.
      EN TANT qu’adolescent, vous avez parfois l’impression d’étouffer sous la coupe de vos parents. À chaque fois que vous exprimez un désir, il semble que la réponse qui s’ensuit inévitablement soit: “Non, ce n’est pas possible.” Une jeune fille apporte son témoignage: “Lorsque je suis devenue adolescente, mes parents se sont mis à m’imposer des tas de restrictions, comme le fait de ne pas rentrer après minuit. J’avais horreur de ça.”
      Aucun de vos mouvements ne semble échapper au regard inquisiteur de vos parents. Billy, 18 ans, se plaint de l’attitude de son père: “Il me demande d’où vient mon argent et où je le dépense. Puisque je le gagne moi-même, je crois que c’est à moi de décider de son usage.” Déborah, 15 ans, a le même sujet de plainte: “Mon père veut toujours savoir où je suis et à quelle heure je vais rentrer. La plupart des parents agissent ainsi. Faut-il qu’ils soient au courant de tout? Ils devraient me laisser plus libre.”
      Mais soyons honnêtes. La plupart des jeunes parviennent à agir à leur guise, au moins une bonne partie du temps, et vous ne faites sans doute pas exception à la règle. Mais, à certains moments peut-être, vos parents semblent oublier que vous avez grandi, et au lieu de vous traiter comme un adolescent, ils agissent avec vous comme avec un petit enfant. D’où vient ce besoin irrésistible qu’ils ont de vous protéger?
      Vous avez sans doute compris depuis longtemps que cette tendance protectrice allait en général de pair avec le rôle de parents. Quand papa et maman ne sont pas occupés à pourvoir à vos besoins matériels, ils se démènent souvent pour vous instruire, vous former et vous protéger. De plus, si vos parents sont chrétiens, ils prennent au sérieux le commandement biblique qui leur enjoint de vous “élever dans la discipline et l’éducation mentale de Jéhovah”. (Éphésiens 6:4.) L’intérêt qu’ils vous portent est donc loin d’être occasionnel. Ils sont responsables devant Dieu de la manière dont ils vous élèvent, et lorsqu’une chose semble menacer votre bien-être, ils s’inquiètent.
      Considérez l’exemple des parents de Jésus Christ. Après un séjour à Jérusalem, ils rentrèrent chez eux sans être suivis par Jésus. Quand ils s’aperçurent de son absence, ils se mirent à le chercher avec empressement, et même avec affolement, pendant trois jours! Lorsque enfin “ils le trouvèrent dans le temple, assis au milieu des enseignants, les écoutant et les interrogeant”, sa mère s’exclama: “Mon enfant, pourquoi as-tu agi ainsi avec nous? Vois! ton père et moi, nous te cherchons tout angoissés.” (Luc 2:41-48). Si les parents de Jésus étaient tout angoissés, songez au nombre de fois où vos parents doivent s’inquiéter à votre sujet.
      D’autre part, si vos parents sont si enclins à vous protéger, c’est aussi parce que la vision qu’ils ont de vous, de vos amis et du monde qui nous entoure est probablement très différente de la vôtre. Comme l’a souligné un jour Salomon, les jeunes sont pleins de force et d’énergie (Proverbes 20:29). Ils voient dans le monde maintes occasions d’utiliser et de développer leurs capacités. Mais ce faisant, ils ne font pas toujours preuve d’un très bon jugement, car ils sont “inexpérimentés” et manquent de “sagacité”. (Proverbes 1:4.) Les adultes ont peut-être moins de vigueur, mais bien souvent ils voient le monde avec les yeux de l’expérience. Ils connaissent bien les pièges et les dangers de la vie et veulent vous aider à ‘écarter le malheur’. — Ecclésiaste 11:10.
      Prenez par exemple cet éternel conflit au sujet de l’heure à laquelle vous devez rentrer. Vous ne voyez peut-être aucune raison d’être soumis à des restrictions dans ce domaine. Mais avez-vous déjà essayé de voir les choses du point de vue de vos parents? C’est ce qu’a tenté de faire les livres ( Les jeunes s'interrogent volumes 1 et 2), un ouvrage écrit pour les jeunes d’âge scolaire. Les jeunes gens de nos jours reconnaissent: “Nous savons que les parents s’inquiètent et se fâchent quand leurs enfants ne rentrent pas à l’heure fixée.”
      Ces jeunes ont établi une liste de tout ce que “les parents peuvent imaginer quand leurs enfants ne sont pas rentrés à l’heure”. On y trouve toutes sortes de choses. Ils pensent que ‘leur enfant se drogue, qu’il a eu un accident de voiture, qu’il traîne dans un jardin public, qu’il s’est fait arrêter, qu’il est allé voir un film pornographique, qu’il vend de la drogue, qu’il s’est fait agresser ou violer, qu’il a été emprisonné ou encore qu’il est en train de déshonorer le nom de la famille’.
      De prime abord, cela paraît presque amusant que des parents tirent des conclusions aussi hâtives. “Jamais je ne ferais ce genre de choses”, affirmerez-vous avec fierté. Mais n’est-il pas vrai que beaucoup de jeunes, peut-être même parmi vos camarades de classe, commettent certaines de ces actions? Devriez-vous donc rejeter le point de vue de vos parents qui estiment que rentrer tard et avoir de mauvaises compagnies vous seraient nuisibles? D’ailleurs, même les parents de Jésus tenaient à être informés de ses allées et venues.
      Comprenez le point de vue de vos parents
      Certes, toutes les restrictions que vous imposent vos parents ne sont peut-être pas aussi raisonnables. Certains jeunes vont jusqu’à dire que l’inquiétude qu’ont leurs parents à leur égard frôle la paranoïa. Mais cela s’explique. La Bible nous relate le cas d’un jeune homme du nom de Benjamin qui devait se rendre en Égypte avec ses frères. Quelle fut la réaction de son père? La Bible précise: “Mais Jacob n’envoya pas Benjamin, frère de Joseph, avec ses autres frères, car il disait: ‘Sans cela, il pourrait lui arriver un accident mortel.”’ — Genèse 42:4.
      Or Benjamin était adulte; il avait plus de 30 ans. Il aurait pu facilement s’irriter d’être traité ainsi. Après tout, pourquoi un “accident mortel” le menacerait-il davantage que ses dix autres frères? Cependant, il semble qu’il comprit les sentiments de son père. Benjamin était le second fils de Rachel, la femme préférée de Jacob. Elle était morte en le mettant au monde (Genèse 35:17, 18). On peut donc imaginer à quel point Jacob devait être attaché à son fils. De plus, Jacob croyait à tort que Joseph, l’autre fils qu’il avait eu de Rachel, avait disparu dans un “accident mortel”. Bien qu’elle ne fût pas entièrement rationnelle, la réaction de Jacob était cependant compréhensible.
      De même, il peut arriver par moments que vos parents semblent trop en faire pour vous protéger. Mais n’oubliez pas qu’ils ont “investi” en vous beaucoup de temps, d’énergie et d’affection. À l’idée que vous grandissez et que vous finirez par les quitter, ils se sentent peut-être mal à l’aise ou très inquiets*. Le commentaire suivant le prouve: “Mon enfant unique, mon fils, a 19 ans aujourd’hui et je supporte difficilement l’idée de le voir s’en aller.”
      En effet, quand ils vous voient grandir, vos parents se rendent compte douloureusement qu’ils commencent à vieillir et que leur rôle de parents semble toucher à sa fin (bien que ce ne soit pas vraiment le cas). Une autre personne a déclaré: “Au début, on pense qu’on a vécu sa vie et qu’on est bon à mettre au rebut.”
      Voilà pourquoi certains parents ont tendance à se montrer extrêmement possessifs ou à protéger à l’excès leurs enfants. Mais vous commettriez une grave erreur si vous réagissiez avec violence devant une telle situation. Une jeune femme se souvient: “Jusqu’à l’âge de 18 ans, j’étais très proche de ma mère. (...) Mais après, nous avons commencé à avoir des problèmes. Au fur et à mesure que je grandissais, je voulais être plus indépendante et ma mère pensait que cela nuisait à nos relations. De son côté, elle resserrait son emprise sur moi et j’ai réagi en m’éloignant encore davantage. Je comprends maintenant que j’avais ma part de torts.” Il est bien préférable d’essayer de ‘se mettre à la place d’autrui’ et de comprendre nos parents (I Pierre 3:8). Une jeune fille du nom de Catherine explique qu’en agissant ainsi elle a ‘appris à manifester plus de considération envers ses parents’.
      Vous aussi, vous agirez bien si vous manifestez davantage de considération envers vos parents et essayez de cultiver une compréhension mutuelle. N’oubliez pas que tous les parents ne s’inquiètent pas de leurs enfants au point de veiller à leur bien-être. Soyez donc heureux d’avoir des parents qui se soucient de vous. C’est la preuve qu’ils vous aiment.
      La vraie repentance rend possible la miséricorde
      Joseph occupait donc une position enviable. La vie des habitants de l’Égypte, dont celle de Potiphar et de sa femme, était entre ses mains. Mais elle n’était pas menacée. Joseph avait déjà démontré qu’il était un homme miséricordieux et clément et qu’il n’était pas rancunier et ne cherchait pas à se venger. Cependant, sa miséricorde allait être sérieusement mise à l’épreuve. Cela arriva quand la famine s’étendit sur toute la terre et que toutes sortes de peuples vinrent en Égypte pour chercher du grain. Un jour, alors que Joseph s’acquittait de ses responsabilités et pourvoyait avec compassion à la nourriture des peuples affamés et des Égyptiens, ses dix demi-frères se présentèrent à lui et se prosternèrent la face contre terre. Joseph se rappela immédiatement les rêves qu’il avait faits à ce sujet, mais, bien qu’il les eût reconnus, il ne se fit pas connaître d’eux et leur parla uniquement par l’entremise d’un interprète. Comment allait-il agir envers eux ? Après plus de vingt ans, l’heure de leur jugement était arrivée. Étant donné qu’ils n’avaient pas manifesté la moindre pitié, ils méritaient un jugement impitoyable. Agissant en tant que représentant de Jéhovah, Joseph ne pouvait pas transgresser les lois divines de justice. Cependant, il n’était pas rancunier et il allait devoir rendre compte à Dieu de la façon dont il les traiterait. C’est pourquoi, influencé par la sagesse d’en haut, il les mit à l’épreuve. — Gen. 41:53 à 42:8.
      Leur parlant durement, Joseph accusa ses demi-frères d’être des espions. Quand ils protestèrent de leur innocence et lui dirent qu’ils étaient tous fils d’un seul homme et qu’un de leurs frères était resté avec leur père, il lia Siméon devant eux et leur dit qu’il resterait emprisonné jusqu’à ce qu’ils reviennent avec leur autre frère. Bouleversés, les demi-frères de Joseph manifestèrent une attitude tout à fait repentante ; ils acceptèrent ce malheur comme un châtiment venant de Dieu, “car, se dirent-ils, nous avons vu, la détresse de son âme [de Joseph], quand il nous suppliait d’avoir compassion, mais nous n’avons pas écouté”. Joseph, qui les entendait, bien qu’ils n’en soient pas conscients, fut très ému ; il s’éloigna d’eux et se mit à pleurer. Toutefois, leur épreuve n’était pas terminée. Il ne devait subsister aucun doute quant à la sincérité de leur repentir. Ayant fait remplir leurs réceptacles de grain, Joseph fit remettre secrètement leur argent dans leurs sacs et les renvoya chez eux, alors qu’il gardait Siméon. — Gen. 42:9-28.
      Finalement, quand ils n’eurent plus de céréales, ils durent redescendre en Égypte. Mais ils avaient été avertis de ne pas se présenter devant le préposé à la nourriture en Égypte à moins d’amener leur frère avec eux. Craignant de perdre le seul fils qui lui restait de sa femme bien-aimée Rachel depuis qu’il avait perdu Joseph, Jacob refusait toujours de le laisser aller. Finalement, il n’y eut plus d’autre solution. Juda se porta garant pour lui. Quand ils se présentèrent devant Joseph et que celui-ci vit Benjamin, son propre frère, il ne put se contenir. Ses émotions intimes s’étant ravivées pour son frère, il alla dans une chambre intérieure où il donna libre cours à ses larmes. Ensuite, il soumit ses demi-frères à une dernière épreuve. Par ruse, il fit croire que Benjamin avait volé sa coupe d’argent très précieuse. Il ordonna donc que Benjamin reste pour être son esclave et que les autres retournent dans la maison de leur père. Affligés et le cœur brisé parce qu’ils savaient que la perte de Benjamin, le fils bien-aimé de Jacob, ferait descendre les cheveux gris de leur père dans la tombe, ils supplièrent Joseph de leur rendre Benjamin. Finalement, quand Juda s’offrit volontairement à prendre la place de Benjamin, Joseph n’arriva plus à se dominer. Alors, en pleurant, il se fit connaître à ses frères, en disant : “Je suis Joseph, votre frère, que vous avez vendu pour l’Égypte. Mais à présent, ne soyez pas peinés et ne soyez pas irrités contre vous-mêmes, de m’avoir vendu pour ici ; car c’est pour la préservation de la vie que Dieu m’a envoyé en avant de vous.” Sur l’ordre de Pharaon, Joseph fit en sorte que Jacob, son père, et toute sa maisonnée, viennent en Égypte où ils reçurent la meilleure partie du pays. — Gen. 42:29 à 47:31.
      Debout lors du jugement avec une vie de miséricorde derrière soi
       L’étendue et la qualité de la miséricorde de Joseph sont mises en évidence par les circonstances dans lesquelles elle a été exercée. Il a été cruellement traité, voire menacé de mort, par ses demi-frères, il a été accusé faussement et avec ruse par la femme de Potiphar, celui-ci a agi durement envers lui en le faisant injustement emprisonné, et le chef des échansons, qu’il avait encouragé avec compassion, l’oublia avec ingratitude. Malgré cela, Joseph ne songea nullement à se venger quand il en eut le pouvoir. Bien au contraire, avec amour et une considération profonde et sincère, il veilla à satisfaire leurs besoins, étendant sa compassion jusqu’à la maison de son père et à tous les membres de la nation égyptienne. Joseph n’a certainement pas cultivé cette qualité seulement après qu’il eut été élevé à une position qui lui conférait honneur et puissance. Au contraire, la miséricorde que Jéhovah témoigna à Joseph durant ses épreuves en le protégeant, en le soutenant et en le rassurant, est un témoignage de l’attitude clémente et miséricordieuse qu’il a dû garder pendant tout ce temps. Cela paraît tout à fait certain à en juger par la règle suivante énoncée par Jésus : “Heureux les miséricordieux, puisqu’il leur sera fait miséricorde.” (Mat. 5:7). Cette attitude de Joseph ressemble beaucoup à celle de Jésus qui, sur le poteau de supplice où il allait mourir, déclara : “Père, pardonne-leur, car ils ne savent pas ce qu’ils font”, ou à celle d’Étienne qui, alors qu’il était lapidé à mort, s’écria : “Jéhovah, ne leur compte pas ce péché.” (Luc 23:34 ; Actes 7:60). La miséricorde dont chacun de ces hommes témoigna dans ces différents cas fut récompensée.
      Cela n’indique-t-il pas clairement que nous avons tout intérêt à nous montrer miséricordieux ? Paul nous certifie que “chacun de nous rendra compte à Dieu pour soi-même”. (Rom. 14:12.) Qu’il est réconfortant de savoir que “la miséricorde, triomphante, se glorifie aux dépens du jugement” ! Que ce soit aujourd’hui, dans un moment critique, ou lors du Jour du Jugement, qui approche rapidement (II Pierre 3:7), quand il s’agira de rendre compte pour nous-mêmes à Dieu et à Jésus Christ, le Juge qu’il a établi, notre situation dépendra entre autres choses de la miséricorde que nous aurons témoignée au cours de notre vie passée. C’est par conséquent l’obéissance au commandement de Jésus nous ordonnant d’aimer en toutes circonstances qui nous aidera à mener une vie riche en miséricorde, contribuant ainsi à la louange de Jéhovah et à la paix dans l'assemblées.
      À leur arrivée dans le pays, ils furent réunis à Siméon et, à leur grande surprise, ils furent tous invités à manger avec l’administrateur des vivres. Quand Joseph arriva, ils lui offrirent un cadeau, se prosternèrent devant lui et, après avoir répondu à ses questions au sujet de leur père, s’inclinèrent de nouveau. Quand Joseph vit Benjamin, son frère, une émotion si vive s’empara de lui qu’il s’éloigna et se laissa aller aux larmes. Après cela il fut capable de maîtriser ses sentiments et il ordonna qu’on serve le repas du midi. Les 11 frères furent placés à une table pour eux selon leur âge, et Benjamin reçut des portions cinq fois plus grosses que les autres. Probablement Joseph éprouvait-il ainsi ses frères pour voir s’ils n’étaient pas encore animés de quelque jalousie cachée. Mais ils ne donnèrent aucun signe d’un tel état d’esprit. — Gn 43:15-34.
      Comme la fois précédente, Joseph ordonna qu’on remette l’argent de chacun dans son sac (Gn 42:25) et, en plus, il commanda qu’on place sa coupe d’argent dans celui de Benjamin. Après qu’ils se furent mis en route, Joseph les fit rattraper et accuser d’avoir volé sa coupe d’argent. Peut-être pour leur faire prendre conscience de toute la valeur que revêtait cet objet à ses yeux et de la gravité du délit qu’ils étaient censés avoir commis, l’homme qui était au-dessus de la maison de Joseph avait pour consigne de leur dire : “ N’est-ce pas là l’objet dans lequel boit mon maître et au moyen duquel il lit habilement les présages ? ” (Gn 44:1-5). Toute cette mise en scène faisant partie d’une ruse, il n’y a évidemment pas lieu de penser que Joseph se servait vraiment de cette coupe d’argent pour lire les présages. Apparemment, Joseph souhaitait se faire passer pour l’administrateur d’un pays dans lequel le vrai culte n’était pas pratiqué.
      Grande dut être la consternation des frères de Joseph lorsque la coupe fut trouvée dans le sac de Benjamin. Les vêtements déchirés, ils retournèrent chez Joseph et se prosternèrent devant lui. Joseph déclara qu’à l’exception de Benjamin ils étaient tous libres de partir. Mais ils ne voulurent pas, ce qui montra qu’ils n’avaient plus cette envie qui les avait poussés, quelque 22 ans auparavant, à vendre leur frère. Avec éloquence, Juda supplia en leur faveur et proposa de prendre la place de Benjamin pour que leur père ne meure pas de chagrin en ne le voyant pas revenir. — Gn 44:6-34.
      Joseph révèle son identité. Profondément touché par la supplication de Juda, Joseph ne put se dominer plus longtemps. Il ordonna à tous les étrangers de sortir, puis il révéla son identité à ses frères. Il ne nourrissait pas d’animosité à leur égard, même s’ils l’avaient grandement maltraité auparavant. Il leur dit : “ Maintenant, ne soyez pas peinés et ne soyez pas en colère contre vous-mêmes, de m’avoir vendu pour ici ; car c’est pour la préservation de la vie que Dieu m’a envoyé en avant de vous. Car ceci est la deuxième année de la famine au milieu de la terre, et il y a encore cinq ans durant lesquels il n’y aura ni période de labour ni moisson. Dieu m’a donc envoyé en avant de vous afin de mettre, pour vous, sur la terre, un reste et vous garder en vie en vous faisant échapper d’une grande manière. Ainsi donc, ce n’est pas vous qui m’avez envoyé ici, mais c’est le vrai Dieu. ” (Gn 45:1-8). Le pardon de Joseph était sincère, car il pleura contre ses frères et les embrassa tous.
      Soyons ferme et unie avec notre famille charnelle et spirituelle car l'unité et l'amour est basé sur un pardon mutuelle et constant. Elle garde nos relations avec les autres dans une joie constante et épanouie.
      Soyons heureux de vivre tous unie même dans les épreuves de la vie, car Jéhovah est notre bouclier et notre force pour toujours.

      · 0 replies
    • Eric Ouellet

      Gardons notre coeur fort dans la foi jusqu'aux jour de Dieu
       
      Imaginez un avion de petite taille pris dans le mauvais temps. Le pilote perd ses repères au sol. Des nuages épais l'environnent, et l'empêchent de voir plus loin que son pare-brise. Pourtant, il est certain arriver à bon port. Pourquoi est-il si confiant?
      Grâce à la précision de ses instruments de bord, il est en mesure de naviguer au travers des nuages ou d'atterrir dans l'obscurité. Sur sa route, et surtout à l'approche de l'aérodrome, des balises électroniques le guident, et il reste en contact radio avec la tour de contrôle.
      De façon assez similaire, nous pouvons regarder l'avenir avec confiance, quand bien même les conditions mondiales s'assombrissent de jour en jour. Notre vol à travers le système corrompu de ce monde est plus long que prévu, mais nous pouvons être sûr de nous trouver sur la bonne voie et d'arriver en temps et en heure qui nous aie prévu. Si nous en sommes persuadés, c'est par ce que les conseils que nous recevons nous donnent une vue ensemble plus perçante que l'oeil humain.
      La paroles de Dieu est une lumière pour notre sentier, et elle est digne de foi, rendant sage l'inexpérimenté. (Psaumes 19:17 ; 119:105)
      Telle une balise qui indique au pilote la bonne trajectoire, la bible nous expose ce que l'avenir nous réserve et nous fournit des instructions claires pour nous mener à la bonne destination. Mais cette direction divine ne nous sera profitable que si nous nous montrons confiants.
      Dans sa lettre aux hébreux, Paul a exhorté les chrétiens d'origine juive à retenir ferme jusqu'à la fin la confiance qu'ils avaient eu au commencement de leur apprentissage . (Hébreux 3:14) Si elle n'est pas maintenue ferme, notre confiance peut être ébranlée. Comment garder confiance en Jéhovah jusqu'à la fin?
      Cultivons notre foi
      Si un pilote est capable de naviguer sans visibilité, avec seulement les recours de ses instruments de bord et en contact radio, c'est parce qu'il a derrière lui une formation adapté à toutes situations et sa formation spéciale de départ qui fut sur de longue période d'heure de vol de pratique et former par des hommes expériences à ses côtés. De même un serviteur de Dieu à constamment besoin d'exercer sa foi de manière à garder confiance dans les direction de Jéhovah, surtout si les circonstances deviennent difficiles. L'apôtres Paul a écrit: " Parce que nous avons ce même esprit de foi que celui dont il est écrit:" J'ai exercé la foi, c'est pourquoi j'ai parlé; donc, nous exerçons la foi, c'est pourquoi nous parlons. (2Corinthiens 4:13). Ainsi en parlant autour de nous de la bonne nouvelles que Dieu nous a donné, nous exerçons notre foi véritable et nous l'affermissons.
      Voici une belle expérience de foi au temps de la seconde guerre mondiale.
      Magdalena, qui a passé quatre ans dans un camp concentration pendant la seconde guerre mondiale, sait l'importance de la prédication. " Maman m'a appris que pour garder une foi forte , dit-elle, il faut absolument s'intéresser au bien être spirituel des gens. Pour vous donner une idée, je me souviens de notre sortie du camp de Ravensbrück. Nous sommes arrivées chez nous un vendredi, physiquement exténuées. Eh bien, figurez vous que deux jour plus tard, le dimanche, nous sommes allées prêcher de maison en maison avec nos frères et soeurs. Je suis sûr d'une chose: quand on s'efforce d'aider les autres à voir confiance dans les promesse de Dieu, ces promesses deviennent plus réelles pour nous." (Actes 5:42) 
      Pour garder une confiance ferme et inébranlable jusqu'à la fin, il faut s'investir dans d'autres activités spirituelles. L'étude individuelle est une source de force car elle nous aide à puiser en profondeur l'essence de notre foi et Jéhovah nous transmet cette foi quand nous le faisons avec joie véritable venant d'un coeur entier. Imitons l'exemple de Béreens en examinant minutieusement les Écritures chaque jour. Cela nous aidera à "avoir la pleine certitude de l'espérance dans les moments difficiles et nous guidera vers une santé pour passer les tribulations avenir jusqu'à la fin."( Hébreux 6:11 ; Actes 17:11) L'étude individuelle, il est vrai que cela demande du temps et de la volonté.
      En gardant un rythme soutenu à cette volonté, nous seront des imitateurs de ceux qui, grâce à la foi et à la patience, hériteront de la promesse de notre Créateur Jéhovah.
      Confiant et bâtissons notre expérience 
      Évidemment, la confiance d'un pilote en ses intruments ne tient pas uniquement à la formation reçue. Elle est dictée par l'expérience. De même, notre confiance en Jéhovah grandit quand nous constatons dans notre vie qu'il se soucie de nous avec amour. C'est parce qu'il en avait fait l'expérience que Josué a pu rapeller ceci aux Israélites: Vous savez bien de tout votre coeur et de tout âme que pas une parole n'a faillit de toutes les bonnes paroles que vous a dites Jéhovah votre Dieu. Toutes se sont réalisées pour vous.-(Josué23:14). Jéhovah nous guide toujours dans le bonne direction.
      Les mauvaises compagnies peuvent nous faire dévier du droit chemin
      Sous l'effet du vent, un avion de petite taille peut facilement dévier si sa trajectoire n'est pas corrigée. De même, les chrétiens d'aujourd'hui subissent constamment des influences extérieures. Nous vivons dans un monde aux pensées charnelles, où les valeurs spirituelles sont facilement tournées en ridicule, et où l'argent et les plaisirs sont largement mis en avant scène. Paul à fait savoir à Timothé que les derniers jours seraient "difficiles à supporter"(2Timothé 3:1-5) Le monde actuel souhaitent être acceptés et bien en vus, les adolescents se laissent particulièrement influencer par les mauvaises compagnies. (2Timothé 2:22)
      Quel que soit notre âge, nous côtoyons forcément des gens qui critiquent nos croyances. D'aucun trouveront à leur réflexion une certaine finesse, mais aux yeux de Dieu elles sont physique et non spirituelles (1 Corinthiens 2:14) Aux jours de Paul, les sceptiques, des philosophes imprégnés de la sagesse propre au monde, propageaient des enseignements qui ont peut être amené certains serviteurs de Corinthe à perdre la foi en la résurrection. (1 Corinthiens 15:12) "Ne vous laissez pas tromper. Les mauvaises fréquentation font perdre les bonne habitudes." ( 1 Corinthiens 15:33) 
      À l'inverse, les bonnes compagnies nous affermissent sur le plan spirituel. Dans l'assemblée chrétienne, nous sommes à même de côtoyer des personnes qui vivent leur foi. Cela est essentiel à notre cheminement et garde notre relation avec Dieu de manière ordonnée et privilégie une relation d'amitié avec Dieu constante et forte.
      Foi et condition de coeur qui approuve nos valeurs chrétienne 
      Pour que la confiance en Jéhovah s’installe en nous, il est important que notre cœur soit touché. Certes, “ la foi est l’attente assurée de choses qu’on espère, la démonstration évidente [ou “ preuve convaincante ”, note] de réalités que pourtant on ne voit pas ”. (Hébreux 11:1.) Toutefois, nous ne serons convaincus qu’à condition d’y mettre notre cœur (Proverbes 18:15 ; Matthieu 5:6). C’est la raison pour laquelle l’apôtre Paul a dit que “ la foi n’est pas le bien de tous ”. — 2 Thessaloniciens 3:2.
      Comment rester réceptifs à toutes les preuves convaincantes dont nous disposons ? En cultivant les qualités spirituelles, qualités qui enrichissent et stimulent la foi. Pierre nous exhorte à ‘ fournir à notre foi la vertu, la connaissance, la maîtrise de soi, l’endurance, l’attachement à Dieu, l’affection fraternelle et l’amour ’. (2 Pierre 1:5-7 ; Galates 5:22, 23.) En revanche, si nous sommes égocentriques ou si notre service pour Jéhovah n’est que symbolique, est-il bien raisonnable de croire que notre foi grandira ?
      Avant de lire la Parole de Jéhovah et afin de la mettre en pratique, Ezra “ avait préparé son cœur ”. (Ezra 7:10.) Mika, lui aussi, a montré que son cœur était touché : “ Mais pour moi, c’est Jéhovah que je guetterai. Je veux rester dans l’attente du Dieu de mon salut. Mon Dieu m’entendra. ” — Mika 7:7.
      C’est avec la même patience que Magdalena, déjà citée, attend Jéhovah (Habaqouq 2:3). “ Nous avons déjà le paradis spirituel, dit-elle. La prochaine étape, le Paradis terrestre, viendra en son temps. En attendant, des centaines de milliers de personnes s’ajoutent à la grande foule. C’est merveilleux de voir tant de gens rejoindre l’organisation de Dieu. ”
      Regardons vers le Dieu de notre salut
      Pour garder fermement confiance jusqu’à la fin, il faut exercer notre foi et écouter attentivement les conseils que Jéhovah et son organisation nous donnent. Cela en vaut vraiment la peine. Quelle satisfaction pour un pilote, au terme d’un vol long et pénible, de redescendre et de sortir enfin de la masse nuageuse ! Devant nous se déroule une campagne verte et hospitalière. La piste de l’aérodrome est là, au-dessous, prête à l’accueillir.
      Des moments exaltants nous attendent, nous aussi. Notre monde sinistre, mauvais, fera place à une nouvelle terre de justice. Un magnifique accueil nous sera réservé. Nous pourrons arriver à bon port si nous suivons les paroles du psalmiste : “ Tu es mon espoir, ô Souverain Seigneur Jéhovah, ma confiance depuis ma jeunesse. (...) En toi est ma louange, constamment. ” — Psaume 71:5, 6.
      Cultivons la foi qui surpasse toutes pensées.

       
       

      · 1 reply
    • Mararm

      Buenos días desde México!
      · 2 replies
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