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Residual effects of being a Jehovah's Witness


Jack Ryan
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There are some things I've noticed in myself, or in others, as well as many things I've come to realize when having conversations with other ExJWs, that many of us seem to struggle with. I thought I would make a brainstorm some of the things I can think of off the top of my head, and see how many of you can relate.

  1. Ghosting - We're f***ing pros at this.

  2. Cutting people off and never or rarely ever thinking about them again. Sometimes cutting people off for small reasons, other times because of a disagreement that in an otherwise healthy relationship would have been talked out and moved on from.

  3. Bonding - I've noticed a lot of us have issues making and maintaining strong connections with others. At first I thought this was just a product of my dysfunctional family, but I think it has more to do with the fact that we had to be ready to end relationships at the drop of a dime, so that there was always a figurative perforated line in whatever bond we had made with other JWs.

  4. Coldheartedness - Again, the ghosting and cutting off and lack of bonding issues. But also the fact that we believed worldly people would be killed in Armageddon and many JWs couldn't wait for that day to arrive. Also, having to be willing to cut off your own children, siblings, parents, etc. makes for a fairly stone cold heart.

  5. Circular reasoning and conversation - I had to learn to stop doing this, and I still see it in some ExJWs

  6. Twisting people's words - That's one I still see at times as well.

  7. Foot in mouth syndrome - Lacking tact and making offensive comments because that kind of behavior was normal around JWs, and you didn't realize how weird certain things were until you left.

  8. Catastrophic Thinking - Always imagining the worst that could happen. Even when you fantasize it ends negatively because everything was always going to come to an end, and that idea seeped into every other aspect of your life.

  9. Having trouble dating out in "the world" because you've always been made to view "worldly" people as inferior and in a subtle way, as dirty.

  10. Sexual repression - Feeling like having multiple partners will taint you. Or just have any negative feelings towards sex at all, that are not related to experiences with sexual abuse.

  11. Misogyny and believing in male superiority - Sad to say that I think this may be one of the hardest ones to shed, not just for male ExJWs, but for women as well. This is one that wouldn't necessarily feel bad to men, in fact I think many may hold on to this because it is the foundation of their confidence, and without it they may not know how to feel confident, so I can see why some haven't shed this. As for women, being raised to be meek, quiet, agreeable, and to have a poor sense of self and low self esteem, keeps a lot of women from speaking up and standing up to men as well, and it often leads to them dismissing these behaviors and enabling them.

  12. Ignoring, and dismissing social issues that do not personally affect them - This one reminds me of how JWs will mail letters to Russia in their own defense, and how the Watchtower only helps their own during natural disasters. I think it is also affected by the fact that so many JWs were taught to ignore the intricacies of social issues. Yes, treat women well, but we won't go into detail as to what that really means. Don't be racist, but we won't dissect all of the little ways that people can be racist. Treat children well, but let's not discuss the fact that we expose children to emotional manipulation, physical abuse and constantly instill fear in them from the time they are born.

  13. Redirecting their reverence for and blind loyalty for the GB to ExJW activists, and therefore excusing their abusive behavior as well, because they're doing so much for the cause. Sound familiar?

via Redo_Undo

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There are some things I've noticed in myself, or in others, as well as many things I've come to realize when having conversations with other ExJWs, that many of us seem to struggle with. I thought I w

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Wow the person who wrote this needs urgent therapy, especially for blaming on a 100% to others for his/her issues. 

The most interesting to me is this: 

Sexual repression - Feeling like having multiple partners will taint you. Or just have any negative feelings towards sex at all, that are not related to experiences with sexual abuse.

😁

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3 hours ago, Nicole said:

Wow the person who wrote this needs urgent therapy, especially for blaming on a 100% to others for his/her issues. 

The most interesting to me is this: 

Sexual repression - Feeling like having multiple partners will taint you. Or just have any negative feelings towards sex at all, that are not related to experiences with sexual abuse.

😁

Um I wonder why you would only pick on the SEX issue ?  

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On 11/17/2018 at 8:11 PM, Jack Ryan said:

There are some things I've noticed in myself, or in others, as well as many things I've come to realize when having conversations with other ExJWs, that many of us seem to struggle with. I thought I would make a brainstorm some of the things I can think of off the top of my head, and see how many of you can relate.

  1. Ghosting - We're f***ing pros at this.

  2. Cutting people off and never or rarely ever thinking about them again. Sometimes cutting people off for small reasons, other times because of a disagreement that in an otherwise healthy relationship would have been talked out and moved on from.

  3. Bonding - I've noticed a lot of us have issues making and maintaining strong connections with others. At first I thought this was just a product of my dysfunctional family, but I think it has more to do with the fact that we had to be ready to end relationships at the drop of a dime, so that there was always a figurative perforated line in whatever bond we had made with other JWs.

  4. Coldheartedness - Again, the ghosting and cutting off and lack of bonding issues. But also the fact that we believed worldly people would be killed in Armageddon and many JWs couldn't wait for that day to arrive. Also, having to be willing to cut off your own children, siblings, parents, etc. makes for a fairly stone cold heart.

  5. Circular reasoning and conversation - I had to learn to stop doing this, and I still see it in some ExJWs

  6. Twisting people's words - That's one I still see at times as well.

  7. Foot in mouth syndrome - Lacking tact and making offensive comments because that kind of behavior was normal around JWs, and you didn't realize how weird certain things were until you left.

  8. Catastrophic Thinking - Always imagining the worst that could happen. Even when you fantasize it ends negatively because everything was always going to come to an end, and that idea seeped into every other aspect of your life.

  9. Having trouble dating out in "the world" because you've always been made to view "worldly" people as inferior and in a subtle way, as dirty.

  10. Sexual repression - Feeling like having multiple partners will taint you. Or just have any negative feelings towards sex at all, that are not related to experiences with sexual abuse.

  11. Misogyny and believing in male superiority - Sad to say that I think this may be one of the hardest ones to shed, not just for male ExJWs, but for women as well. This is one that wouldn't necessarily feel bad to men, in fact I think many may hold on to this because it is the foundation of their confidence, and without it they may not know how to feel confident, so I can see why some haven't shed this. As for women, being raised to be meek, quiet, agreeable, and to have a poor sense of self and low self esteem, keeps a lot of women from speaking up and standing up to men as well, and it often leads to them dismissing these behaviors and enabling them.

  12. Ignoring, and dismissing social issues that do not personally affect them - This one reminds me of how JWs will mail letters to Russia in their own defense, and how the Watchtower only helps their own during natural disasters. I think it is also affected by the fact that so many JWs were taught to ignore the intricacies of social issues. Yes, treat women well, but we won't go into detail as to what that really means. Don't be racist, but we won't dissect all of the little ways that people can be racist. Treat children well, but let's not discuss the fact that we expose children to emotional manipulation, physical abuse and constantly instill fear in them from the time they are born.

  13. Redirecting their reverence for and blind loyalty for the GB to ExJW activists, and therefore excusing their abusive behavior as well, because they're doing so much for the cause. Sound familiar?

via Redo_Undo

I've no idea what ghosting is ??????????????? please. 

Cutting people off, UM, I'm the one that has been cut off, by over 100 people, some of whom i thought were friends, Oh dear I'm wrong again. 

Bonding, no thanks. I've got my wife and my son, that's enough for me. 

Coldheartedness, was a choice it seems you took.  I didn't turn away from our daughter that got d/fed. And I would never feel anti-anyone just because they were not JW.  However those 100 plus JW's that turned against me seems to prove your point. 

Twisting people's words YES, some peeps on here (the Kid for one) that i think are JW's always seem to twist my words. And SM is worse, he will break up one of my sentences into sections of two or three words, just to try and put me down. Of course the three words taken out of a sentence then have a different meaning as they are not in context. And SM is not a JW, so it isn't just JW's that do it. 

Lacking tact and making offensive comments, I think that is just me. It's called being blunt and to the point. When i lived in London for a while and life moved so fast, it became a way of life to be blunt with people. There wasn't time to 'play games' or try guessing, so bluntness was the answer. It's not just JW's. 

Catastrophic Thinking....  Maybe comes from a horrible upbringing.  When life has always been crap, you come to expect a continuing lot of more of the same. However, don't expect those that have been loved to understand you............

Having trouble dating out in the world. I'm married to my third wife, and none of them came from within the JW org. So, you figure it out. Because I know of many that marry within the Org and still get divorced. It's a wicked world in or out of the ORG. 

Sexual repression ?   Life is what you make it in or out of the ORG. Having multiple partners for the sake of showing off or being big headed is not so good. BUT if life throws you lemons you make lemonade... If you are not trying to serve God then you make your own rules. If one relationship goes sour then you try for another one. In my opinion NEVER judge one person against another. If a man gets let down badly by a woman then he shouldn't judge all women to be bad. As for marrying within the ORG, in my opinion it is none of their business who you date, if you are at the legal age of course. But it comes back to what people are ALLOWED to do.... 

Men believing they are superior. We are all individual (ask Brian).  I much prefer lady doctors. I much prefer to converse with ladies than men. But I'm 'little' and not aggressive so I keep away from most men.. One reason I never go into pubs, too much agro... the Bible says the women are a large army. God finds lots of things to praise women about. Be individual, treat every person as an individual. Especially the nice ones.

Ignoring social issues.  I've never been into any type of politics or social issues. But then life has always been hard enough just to survive. The world is a mess, just around the corner or thousands of miles away, it's all a mess.... We live in a council house, government owned. Just down the road is special needs social housing, it's like a war zone with drugs and other issues. I just never go down there. Never enquire as to what is going on. They sometimes stand outside our house doing there drugs dealings. because the delivery vehicle will come through our road not theirs. I just don't look anymore. They don't bother me i don't bother them. Life is hard enough so why create more problems. 

Redirecting their reverence...... That's another one SM tries to hang on me. Just because I know of faults in the JW org, SM tells me I'm in with the activists. It is possible to have the same viewpoint but handle it differently. If a large building is on fire, lots of people will see the flames. Same as when there are many faults in the JW org, so many people see those faults. It doesn't mean we ALL go out and cause trouble, it means we all take note of those faults and handle it in different ways. 

I would say, never close any doors or burn any bridges. Never cast people off. Try not to judge people too seriously, including yourself. 

I'm loving being out the JW Org. I have freedom like I've never known. I went from horrible parents to a horrible children's home, to learning the JW Org rules. Always under pressure. always unhappy.  Two horrible marriages / divorces. Now married to my third wife, and able to do just as I please. All the children grown up and I'm not babysitting grandchildren. 

Each person has to make their own choices where they can. I do feel sorry for anyone that isn't allowed to make their own choices. 

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1 hour ago, JOHN BUTLER said:

Redirecting their reverence...... That's another one SM tries to hang on me. Just because I know of faults in the JW org, SM tells me I'm in with the activists. It is possible to have the same viewpoint but handle it differently. If a large building is on fire, lots of people will see the flames. Same as when there are many faults in the JW org, so many people see those faults. It doesn't mean we ALL go out and cause trouble, it means we all take note of those faults and handle it in different ways. 

The only time I was out for a while, dealing with Baphomet and Lilith Demon Worshipers and I come back to see I have been mentioned.  I only made mention your show of support to Mr. Gardner, mentioning his protest, you even went as far as to point out his gofundme page, and I corrected you months ago on this. Not make matters worse, his protest painted him as the enemy to a whole county, and has scarred and prompted an angry person to defend his woman, surely if someone did the same to your beloved, you'd be in that guy's shoes to do the same.

That being said, regarding this, not all of them are the same despite being equal in faith, and I've mentioned someone by name in example several times. Plus it would also be wise to point and quote exactly what I have said.

 

Other than that, Babylon has been growing, and not a surprise people haven't noticed.

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On 11/17/2018 at 3:11 PM, Jack Ryan said:

There are some things I've noticed in myself, or in others, as well as many things I've come to realize when having conversations with other ExJWs, that many of us seem to struggle with. I thought I would make a brainstorm some of the things I can think of off the top of my head, and see how many of you can relate.

There are several kinds of ExJws. Disgruntled ones and former ones who want nothing to do with the faith, others, who built themselves up on morals based on their former faith. Others who simply go away from it all while some hold on to hatred and become Anti-JWs, having both JWs and ExJWs, as with any Christian that comes their way.

 

Other than that, some of your items can easily be refuted. Granted with what I had seen in the span of days I was semi-absent, there has been somewhat of a mini religious war going about elsewhere.

 

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