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As A Kid I Was Told Armageddon Was Near, So I Wouldn’t Need A Job. Now I’m A BDSM Model.


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“I was told I’d stop aging and I’d be a teenager forever. I didn’t think I’d ever earn money for myself, have a bank account, own a home, fall in love, get married.”

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The author at age 11 in a 1988 school photo. “I was expecting the world to end in five years maximum,” she says.

My teacher, having asked everyone who got 10 out of 10 right on the spelling test to put their hand up, went on to ask who got 9 out of 10. She proceeded from there, down to 4 out of 10. I put my hand up. I actually got 1 out of 10, but didn’t want to admit I didn’t study for the test. She wouldn’t have understood why.

I was 9 years old and I wasn’t going to grow up. I didn’t need to learn to spell because I’d never need a job. It was 1986, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses, and the JW governing body was confidently predicting that Armageddon would arrive by the mid-1990s. Everyone who survived that would live forever in Paradise on earth. We were promised this at each of the thrice-weekly meetings we attended. In Paradise, we’d build log cabins, make friends with wild animals and spend our time picking fruit with other Jehovah’s Witnesses. This was all lovingly illustrated for us in the Jehovah’s Witness literature.

I tried to suppress the panic I felt whenever I perused the pictures. To me, it looked boring ― because it was going to last forever. I had many opportunities to consider forever, sitting on a plastic chair under fluorescent lights, during the interminable Jehovah’s Witness meetings. Forever meant that eventually, the whole world would be so familiar to me that there would be no wonders left. One day I would have had every possible conversation with every single person still alive on the planet. It gave me a feeling like vertigo. So I told myself to trust what I was learning because if everyone else wanted to live forever, it would surely somehow be marvelous, and a more-than-ample reward for all the activities we missed out on in the present-day world.

There were plenty of those. No Christmas, no birthdays, no Easter. Technically, Jehovah’s Witnesses were allowed televisions, but we were warned frequently about “worldly influences” and my parents had elected not to have one. Higher education was frowned upon ― it was considered selfish not to use all your available time and energy trying to convert nonbelievers, so as to save their lives during Armageddon. Many young JWs left school as soon as legally allowed, took low-paying jobs, and spent all of their spare time and energy evangelizing, or “storing up treasures in heaven.” I banked on Armageddon coming quickly enough to save me from having to become a window cleaner. I was keen for it to arrive before I turned 16. This, the JW literature assured me, was almost certain.

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“I was told I’d stop aging and I’d be a teenager forever. I didn’t think I’d ever earn money for myself, have a bank account, own a home, fall in love, get married.” The author at age 11 in a 1988 school photo. “I was expecting the world to end in five years maximum,” she says. My teacher, having asked everyone who got 10 out of 10 right on the spelling test to put their hand up, went on to ask who got 9 out of 10. She proceeded from there, down to 4 out of 10. I put my hand up.

No. It was an outlier congregation in every way. Even the guys wore makeup.

Many ex-JWs and opposers obsess over the fact that the Watchtower promoted these same expectations for the mid-1970's with a focus on the year 1975. My 3 children were all born in the period from the mid-to-late 80's, and I saw this same view beginning in my own children, matching that of the 11-year old "version" of the girl above. To those of us who had been Witnesses during the 1975 period, most of us probably thought it refreshing that there was no longer a specific set of years being p

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Well I'll just say, that if it wasn't for JW's I wouldn't have a college degree, a high paying career or even be alive.

There are other stories. I know a lot of people who blame(perhaps she isn't 'blaming', but the context gives that impression) the org for the way their lives turned out. Not everyone had that experience, but then again, I wasn't raised at a JW. None of my family were JW's or even were at all religious. Sometimes they blame the BORG (their words), when it's their own family that was screwed up. Sometimes it was simply that they used their own free will in whatever manner they chose. This woman is no victim. It's not like "fity cent" says "get rich or die tryin", this world gives you many choices.

Take a different group, Mormons. Now a sci-fi writer, I read William Shunn's "

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If research within the JW could be conducted that goes back at least 50 years, I am convinced that a large percentage of similar results would be found. All of them would have in common a collective state of mind due to which their view of the "near future" or the future in general, was influenced by the JW religious view of "tomorrow", and that all this "today and earthly" would fail. And that is why you should not put special effort into anything "material". That no plans should be made for the "earthly," but only for the "spiritual." This “spiritual” is, of course, exclusively within the ideology of the WTJWorg.

There are capable and wealthy people among the JWs. There are those who came to the organization highly educated. There are those JW parents who have sent their children to college before and today. But a large number of members are "ordinary people", who accept "simple (unambiguous) doctrinal assumptions" regarding their position in the social life of the country of which they are citizens and regarding their own identity. For example, what is shown in one congress video / program - a child who has the gift to play the violin should be stopped to go "in the world" and achieve a career as a musician.

Admittedly, I know personally two JWs, a father and a son, violinists, who had problems at work due to their refusal to play the anthem. It is interesting, on the other hand, that I have never heard of them refusing to play another piece of music, and we all, more or less know, that in some compositions or musical performances there are things depicting murders, adulteries, lies and other morally unacceptable things for some JW member. By that logic, a JW musician would often have to refuse to play in an orchestra.
From all this and many other life situations, which you have also heard about, it is evident that an individual or a group of believers cannot be completely “pure within the unclean”. Not even within the "spiritual paradise" of congregation.

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4 hours ago, Srecko Sostar said:

have never heard of them refusing to play another piece of

I never sang the anthem or any religious songs because this will put one on the side of a human government or other religions who do not accept the name of Jehovah as their God.

. Yes, there are classical composers like Tchaikovsky who was homosexual ...... but his preferences were not in his music...... he was forced to commit suicide when it came out in high society that he was homosexual. I watch several ballets with his music and listen to his symphonies and sing a song he wrote.

Do you not think that sexually explicit posing for pictures awaken  fleshly desires in men?   The bible warns about this....... thinking in a fleshly way and promoting fleshly desires. To you it seems to be nothing - but it will not bring approval from Jehovah. But maybe you do not care? It is nice to be an attraction when you are young....

There are many JWs who have given up a life of making a lot of money or making a name for themselves. They follow the example of Jesus who did not go after materialism or a kingdom with influence. It is called "the narrow road"..... but some find it too narrow....... they are not prepared to give up selfish pursuits.

We have been in the perousia a long time but now we are in the first lockdown in the history of the world!  The signs are here and yet people are still eating, drinking and going on as normal.  Did the bible not warn us that people will start mocking about the end and that the love of many will cool down? 

I have been in the Truth since the age of 21. I did not grow up in the Truth. Did I make mistakes, yes I did. Did I get up after falling and go on under Jehovahs hand.  Yes, I did.  Am I happy that I did not follow a world-carreer (which was in my grasp).  I do not look back one day! Jehovah has been kind to me and we will soon be under a very totalitarian government....... just as bible predicted. One will not be able to buy or sell if you stick to the moral principles of jehovah.

Habakuk said.... the time is panting to the end.  Jehovah wants the lost sheep to come back. Are you back? 

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1 hour ago, Arauna said:

Do you not think that sexually explicit posing for pictures awaken  fleshly desires in men?   The bible warns about this....... thinking in a fleshly way and promoting fleshly desires.

The Huffington Post is oblivious to this. It celebrates her BDSM as a triumph of the human spirit. From their point of view, there is nothing sordid about it at all. This article tells me more about the Post than it does about the Witnesses.

The portion of the story quoted is only that which makes the Witnesses look bad, so it is reasonable to think that is the intent or whoever quoted it. But the article in its entirety celebrates humanism more than it seeks to put down religion. Her JW upbringing is just setting the stage for the main event.

9 hours ago, xero said:

There are other stories. I know a lot of people who blame(perhaps she isn't 'blaming', but the context gives that impression) the org for the way their lives turned out.

No, I don’t think she is blaming, either. The “context” is supplied by whoever quoted just the Witness portion of the article. She views her life as a triumph. So does the Post. Whatever ‘blame there is may be implied by detractors who hope to embarrass Witnesses by pointing to her “downward spiral” and what a fat reward THAT is for a JW upbringing. The Post is trying to have it both ways; impute shame over a “backwards” Witness upbringing while at the same time painting BDSM favorably. Given that they feel BDSM is a triumph, they might just as easily praise her JW upbringing for lining up the circumstances to lead her to it.

Essentially, the parents are guilty of living their faith. They may or may not have had their personal quirks to heighten or lessen theocratic training. It isn’t easy to raise kids. All are different. This story is no more than “Demas has forsaken me because he loved the present system of things.” Do you think Demas thereafter reminisced of how balanced those early Christians were? Or did he paint them as narrow, repressive, even brainwashing? The Post is happy to discard faith. All its focus is on the here-and-now.

Surely there is a tragedy in settling for a life of atheism, but the article conveys none of it. Rather, it conveys just the reverse. It’s a little like the guy who loses millions in the stock market. “Oh well, they were just paper gains anyway,” he says, as he celebrates the few thousands he has left.

That is what’s “wrong” with the article. It celebrates the amoral short term, completely oblivious to the long term—the “real life” as Paul puts it.

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15 hours ago, Isabella said:

It was 1986, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses, and the JW governing body was confidently predicting that Armageddon would arrive by the mid-1990s.

He (Jesus) has told us that the “generation” of 1914—the year that the sign began to be fulfilled—“will by no means pass away until all these things occur.” (

    Hello guest!
) Some of that “generation” could survive until the end of the century. But there are many indications that “the end” is much closer than that!
    Hello guest!

1) This kid girl told the truth. 

2) Watchtower study magazine made false statement/prediction/prophecy/claim/doctrine.

JW members refusing to play anthem but accepting to believe false doctrines. .... And despite such reality, yours and others JW people reality, you @Arauna ask me "trivial" question about different issue and dare to put me in a box you created for people like me. Funny, unnecessary and missed :))  

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19 hours ago, xero said:

There are other stories. I know a lot of people who blame(perhaps she isn't 'blaming', but the context gives that impression) the org for the way their lives turned out.

@Srecko Sostar Has shown clearly how the Leaders of the Watchtower deliberately deceive the congregation over which they have complete control. Of course the Leaders of the Watchtower / JW org are to blame.  In the 1940s they predicted Armageddon. in the 1960s they again predicted Armageddon. And Srecko has shown that in the 1980s / 90s again the Leaders falsely predicted Armageddon. CRYING WOLF gets them attention, and frightens the congregation, which in turn keeps the congregation under the control of the Leaders.  And of course anyone that disagrees gets disfellowshipped for 'causing a division in the congregation'.  Being d/fed means losing everyone you know, being totally isolated. So, you cannot blame the congregants, they were just doing as they were told.  

(As a side note, I had to Google BDSM, I had no idea what it meant. I kinda prove to myself that I am no part of this world)

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Of course ...they lost me at "Huffington Post". Also, to me the chronic fascination humans have with body parts is odd. I don't obsess over a drumstick or a bowl of oatmeal. Why would I obsess about body parts?

It strikes me that people like this are lacking in imagination.

I mean mathematically speaking, there are a finite number of configurations and things which may be done with or to a human body. It's all really dull.

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1 hour ago, xero said:

Of course ...they lost me at "Huffington Post". Also, to me the chronic fascination humans have with body parts is odd. I don't obsess over a drumstick or a bowl of oatmeal. Why would I obsess about body parts?

It strikes me that people like this are lacking in imagination.

I mean mathematically speaking, there are a finite number of configurations and things which may be done with or to a human body. It's all really dull.

Word on the street is that the miscreants here planned to send some Moabite women your way to trip you up. So much for that idea.

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7 hours ago, TrueTomHarley said:

Word on the street is that the miscreants here planned to send some Moabite women your way to trip you up. So much for that idea.

Tom, you never know how true that can be. There was this woman at work "Carmen" who apparently got wind that I was a JW and all and decided to start hitting on me. In the break room on a Friday she asked me to go to happy hour with her and her gf's. I said, looking at her seriously "Carmen. Happy hour begins at home." Then she said "But what if your wife has other plans?" I said (in front of a bunch of the guys) "Carmen, my wife has nothing better to do with her free time than to spend it all with me." All these guys busted out laughing.

This stuff happens all the time I'm sure w/brothers because what you can't have is what you want sometimes.

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      Bâtissons chaque but de notre vie avec amour
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