TrueTomHarley

Jehovah continued speaking to Ahaz: "Ask for a sign from Jehovah your God; it may be as deep as the Grave or as high as the sky." But Ahaz said: "I will not ask, nor will I put Jehovah to the test." Isaiah then said: "Listen, please, O house of David. Is it not enough that you try the patience of men? Must you also try the patience of God?"...Isaiah 7:10-13 My wife thought the best way to picture this passage is to think of a petulant child trying the patience of a parent: "This is SO tiring! Can't you, for once, just do as you are told?" photo: Gary Thomasen

Our equivalent of the Big Bang

Don't trust them. They do nothing but make trouble. 'Here Tom, here's where you can buy wheels with snowtires mounted for your Fit! Isn't that a good idea? Just think how safe the missus will feel!' Well, sure...anything for the missus...I bought them. Who would think the stupid things require a non-standard socket to attach the lug nuts....not standard, not metric...something else entirely! I never knew there was such a thing. And if you can get your head around that, what about the special 'hub adapters' required for each wheel?! Of course, they supply all those things, but I've yet to remember them when taking my car to the shop for seasonal tire change. Who can put up with nonsense like this? It's my own fault...when the package arrived and said "Free Aggravation Included" I should have been tipped off. It's not aggravation to Brother Bugatti. Such exasperating picayune stuff is the elixir of life to him! He thrives on it, like a hurricane gathering strength over warm water! And this year changing the tires...someone had lost some (not all) of the hub adapters. Me? The tire shop? Brother Bugatti? Who knows? Ah, well, if I must, I'll just buy more. Yeah...good luck on that! I don't remember where I ordered the things from. The likely source Brother Bugatti suggests is a no-go. "Don't you keep your paperwork?" he asks...he has paperwork for every car wash he's driven through since he was 16! No...not after two years...I don't. Ah...wait. Here's the box from Gorilla Automotive. Yes...the wheel company does carry that brand. No, they won't sell them to me separate without proof that I bought them there...liability issues! Today I'll call Gorilla directly. I just hope the CEO isn't Harambe, who took a leave of absence three months ago and hasn't been heard from since. I've never owned mounted snows in my life until Brother Bugatti came along. Nor even snows after seventies...All weather-tires work just fine. What was I thinking? Mounted snows on all four tires are safer, says Brother Bugatti. Well, so are tank treads! photo: Lothar Spurzem Read 'Tom Irregardless and Me' - 30% free preview: www.smashwords.com. search: Tom Harley

Dear Tom @ LoveLine: That obnoxious brother with the 60 queens and concubines can't take a hint. He's getting very forward with me. Recently, he quoted me his favorite scripture: "How beautiful you are and how pleasant you are, O beloved girl, above all exquisite delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like date clusters. I said, "I will climb the palm tree To take hold of its stalks of fruit....Song of Solomon 7:6-8 What should I do? Dear Person: You need to quote him your favorite scripture, from Song of Georgia Satellite 2:4-6 "That's when she told me a story 'bout free milk and a cow And said, "No huggee, no kissee until I get a wedding vow" My honey, my baby, don't put my love upon no shelf She said, "Don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself"

Dear Tom @ LoveLine: There's this obnoxious brother at the Kingdom Hall making advances toward me. I want him to drop dead, but my parents are pushing him because he has a lot of dough. I think he's sincere but I don't know. He has 60 wives and 80 concubines. They take up the entire 2nd auditorium. But he has said many endearing things to me, like: "Only one is my dove, my flawless one." This pulls at my heartstrings. What should I do? [There may be 60 queens and 80 concubines And young women without number. But only one is my dove, my flawless one.....Ca 6:8-9] ...... Dear Person: You forgot the "young women without number." Tell the guy to take a hike. He's used that line on each of the 60 queens and 80 concubines. photo: Vincent Brassinne

I agree. Photo is too sensual. Use this one instead. photo: Jason Meredith

Dear Tom @ LoveLine: There's this obnoxious brother at the Kingdom Hall making advances toward me. I want him to drop dead, but my parents are pushing him because he has a lot of dough. I think he's sincere but I don't know. He has 60 wives and 80 concubines. They take up the entire 2nd auditorium. But he has said many endearing things to me, like: "Only one is my dove, my flawless one." This pulls at my heartstrings. What should I do? [There may be 60 queens and 80 concubines And young women without number. But only one is my dove, my flawless one.....Ca 6:8-9] ...... Dear Person: You forgot the "young women without number." Tell the guy to take a hike. He's used that line on each of the 60 queens and 80 concubines. photo: Vincent Brassinne

Sitting there at the congregation meeting considering the Song of Solomon, why not put some of those verses to good use? I leaned over toward my wife and whispered "like a lily among thorns is my beloved among the daughters." (SoS 2:2) Her eyes softened. "I love you, dear," she whispered to me. "And I love you," I whispered back. The meeting ended. We strolled hand in hand to the door. All the other sisters were there. "You calling us 'thorns?' they said. Uh oh

I knew Seth Sheepngoats would pull something like this, I knew it! The tip-off should have been when I saw him go into that costume shop. He arrived at the Kingdom Hall just like anyone else yesterday. But halfway through the Watchtower Study, he reached into his bag and tied something behind his neck. When he emerged, he was sporting a huge Santa Claus beard! He is such an idiot.

I knew Seth Sheepngoats would pull something like this, I knew it! The tip-off should have been when I saw him go into that costume shop. He arrived at the Kingdom Hall just like anyone else yesterday. But halfway through the Watchtower Study, he reached into his bag and tied something behind his neck. When he emerged, it was with a huge, magnificent Santa Claus beard! He is such an idiot!

With almost all subjects, the smarter you are, the more likely you'll figure it out. Not so with spiritual matters. Smarts aren't the determining factor. They can even get in your way, if they've caused you to become full of yourself. How else can you explain the verse from the kr book last meeting? "To you it is granted to understand the sacred secrets of the Kingdom of the heavens, but to them it is not granted." Matthew 13:11

It's so easy to start singing to the choir.

If all I had was entertainment reporters, I would think Prince only sang two words his entire life: 'Purple rain, purple rain'....fade out. STOP IT! He left behind a vault so stocked he can release an album per year for 100 years - it can't be just the two words repeated endlessly. Stupid lazy unimaginative journalists! You don't do that to Bob Dylan. I never hear the same words twice when you do him! And what's with the obligatory purple? Prince would hate that! You couldn't get him to sign an autograph. He didn't want to be worshipped. He would also hate the record company releasing his unreleased music from prior to his JW days. He was raunchy back then and he deliberately buried that stuff when he became a Christian. After his death, he loses control of his own image. Photo: Penner

To locate true Christianity, look for the group whose members are individually praised but collectively reviled. Acts 28:22

Good analogy last week about the messinger preparing the way. You have to clear away the rubble before you can build.

Thank you, Brother Pul. You were working on counsel point #235, parking. We appreciate the progress you have made. The Benefit book says on page 647: "Poor parking can detract from the ministry. If your householder thinks you don't know how to park, he may also think you don't know anything else. Or he may worry you will wipe out his lawn ornaments driving away." Brother Pul, you are making very fine progress. Much of your car was squarely in the parking spot. Good job! But we want you to work on this point one more time. Notice again what the Benefit book says: "How can a minister gauge his parking before exiting the car? One brother said 'I always look out the windows to see if there are yellow lines all around.' You may find this point difficult to master at first, but with full confidence in God's spirit, you can succeed." Thank you again, Brother Pul, and we look forward to your next try. Warn us if we are on the sidewalk before you try.

In view of what the Bible says about chasing money, a denomination ought to be embarrassed to be at the top.

Editing my book. Tom Irregardless.

Mormons have to be right up there. JWs close to or at the bottom.