Jump to content
The World News Media

How to Move On When Your Ex Already Has


Guest Nicole

Recommended Posts

  • Guest
Guest Nicole

“Like a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.” ~Jack Kornfield

I picked up the butter cookies and a small postcard-sized painting I had brought for her.

I took the third-floor hotel elevator down.

Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths.

The elevator ride was less than five seconds, but our time spent apart was five years.

Five years after the divorce I had flown up to see her again.

I’m not sure what led to this meeting. We had emailed each other a couple times out of the blue, and before you know it, we were meeting.

It could have been our final goodbye, the closure we needed. Or maybe even in the back of my mind, it was the new beginning that I’d secretly imagined.

I don’t know. I walked out to see her after a five-year hiatus. In our memories were the international long-distance romance we had, the difficult marriage we had endured, and the painful divorce we had gone through together.

When we initially parted ways, she was still pursuing her education and getting adjusted to life in America.

Yet, today she was different. She spoke of her new travels, new experiences, new house, and new job.

She talked about the ups and downs of the different relationships in her life.

Close friends, social events, and the search for the “one”—her “one”—were her focus.

As we spent the day together, a startling but simple realization came over me.

She had moved on.

Life was on the up and up. She seemed to have let go of everything we had shared.

She was a bird that was soaring, while I felt like a bird that hadn’t gone very far from the same branch I was still sitting on.

She seemed to have moved on like our past had never happened. I was holding on like it was still happening.

I realized it was way past time to completely let go of what we had shared.

She had moved on, and I need to finally move on as well.

If your ex has already moved on, perhaps my lessons will help you do the same.

Shift your perspective on the relationship.

Whatever story you’re telling yourself about the relationship, you need to be retell it. You’re likely holding onto the sad and tragic version. You were left behind as the victim as your ex was the heartbreaker who didn’t give the relationship a chance.

Shift the story to the one that is the most empowering for you. How about a story of how you both gave it your best? You fought, you loved, you laughed, and you cried. You tried over and over when things didn’t seem to work. You fought, forgave, broke up, got back together, and finally called it off for good.

You both gave it your all but it didn’t work out. It wasn’t for lack of trying. It was you coming to the conclusion that you were different people, both good people, who were incompatible for each other. You both helped each other grow and become better versions of yourself.

The more you can flip your perspective on your ex and the relationship, the easier it will be to move on.

Release blame, anger, and resentment once and for all.

If you haven’t completely let go of the relationship, you may still be holding on to instances of on injustices by your ex. You may still be feeling betrayed, hurt, or angry about something your ex did.

Until you can let go of these feelings of resentment on anger, you’re not going to be able to let go or move on.

You’re not going to lose anything by releasing these feelings, but you will gain your peace of mind and freedom.

Let go for yourself.

Even if your ex was entirely at fault and deserves the worst kind of karma, you’re not going to get caught up on it. You are not the universe’s policeman.

Your ex is human and made mistakes. You’re going to release the resentment and anger and forgive your ex for what they did.

If you made mistakes, you have to be willing to forgive those too.

When you don’t forgive your ex or yourself, it keeps the past injustices and pain still burning like it happened today.

Forgive for yourself. Forgive for your peace of mind.

Thank your ex for how far they brought you forward in your life.

Instead of focusing of how much better off your ex is doing or how you’re falling behind, while they are moving ahead, reflect on how far you’ve come yourself.

While our marriage was difficult and our divorce was soul-crushing, honestly, I grew so much from this relationship. I had so many insights about myself, made drastic life changes, and became an entirely new person.

You can either compare and mourn or thank your ex and appreciate how far they’ve brought you along.

You might not have welcomed the pain, but it’s likely made you into a newer and improved version of yourself.

Remind yourself of how far you’ve come.

Yes, when you’re comparing yourself to your ex, you might feel bad about yourself and like you’re stuck, but it’s not wise to compare yourself to someone else. If you feel a need to compare, then compare yourself to where you were before.

In my case, I was stuck in dysfunctional relationship patterns, I was carrying around a lot of emotional baggage, and I was stuck in a soul-crushing career.

Regardless of where she’s at today, enough therapy and learning has helped me become a new person. I have many more tools to navigate life, and I’m doing work that sometimes doesn’t even feel like work.

I’m living more in line with my values today and have the freedom to pursue my creativity and writing.

You don’t have to be soaring like your ex.

Just remember that you’re not stuck crawling like you were in the past.

Remind yourself that today is the only thing you can do something about.

You cannot change the past, the relationship, or your ex.

You cannot go back and un-do your mistakes or do something different.

There’s no point in wallowing in regret, past disappointments, and failures that you can’t do anything about.

Focus on what you can control—the changes you make today.

You can become the person you’re capable of becoming today.

You can create the life you want today.

Keep bringing yourself to the moment you can do something about: the present moment. In this moment, you can shift your perspective. You can make different choices. You can create the life you want.

Live less in the futile past and more in the hopefulness of today.

See the uncertainty in your life as an adventure.

The most difficult part of my marriage ending was the uncertainty of my life.

See, when you’re married or in a relationship, you have a location. The world identifies you in a certain way. You know who you’re spending your weekends with or who you have to plan the holidays with. You know who you list in the relationship column of Facebook.

Yet, after a breakup, all these questions are uncertain and more than likely, unknown. I’ve discovered that I, and humans in general, hate uncertainty.

We would rather tolerate an unbearable situation than the unknown.

You can view uncertainty as a tsunami about to happen or a surfing vacation in Hawaii.

The more you see your future life as an adventure that is filled with excitement and novelty, the easier it will be for your to welcome in the life waiting for you.

Pursue the life you visualize every day.

You can get stuck focusing on where your ex is at or what your ex is doing, but this is neither healthy nor productive.

Instead, get super clear on what you want.

What is the life you envision for yourself every day? What values and principles do you want to guide your life?

How would you like your life to look each day?

Now, you may not be able to create that life instantly, but you can start doing small things each day that get you closer to the life you want.

If you envision spirituality in your life each day, create time for a spiritual practice or class.

If you see creativity in your life each day, make time for your creative ventures.

If you see self-care as a necessity for your best life, reduce your commitments and take better care of yourself.

You might not have the life you envisioned right now, but if you start taking small steps each day to live the life you want, before you know it, your visions will be your reality.

What’s helped you let go of the past when your ex has already moved on?

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-move-on-when-your-ex-already-has/

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Views 1.7k
  • Replies 2
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

You live and learn ...... or you don't live long. Don't let the sound of your own wheels ... make you crazy.  

  • 1 year later...
  • Guest
Guest Nicole

And remember that the rest of the people are not guilty for your wife/husband divorcing you and being happy with another partner... do not close the doors to new friends, relationships, life is too short to continue throwing venom, complaining. Be grateful for the new chances you get everyday and for the problems you do not have and other people do have. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...




  • Recently Browsing

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Popular Contributors

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • It appears to me that this is a key aspect of the 2030 initiative ideology. While the Rothschilds were indeed influential individuals who were able to sway governments, much like present-day billionaires, the true impetus for change stems from the omnipotent forces (Satan) shaping our world. In this case, there is a false God of this world. However, what drives action within a political framework? Power! What is unfolding before our eyes in today's world? The relentless struggle for power. The overwhelming tide of people rising. We cannot underestimate the direct and sinister influence of Satan in all of this. However, it is up to individuals to decide how they choose to worship God. Satanism, as a form of religion, cannot be regarded as a true religion. Consequently, just as ancient practices of child sacrifice had a place in God's world, such sacrifices would never be accepted by the True God of our universe. Despite the promising 2030 initiative for those involved, it is unfortunately disintegrating due to the actions of certain individuals in positions of authority. A recent incident serves as a glaring example, involving a conflict between peaceful Muslims and a Jewish representative that unfolded just this week. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/mar/11/us-delegation-saudi-arabia-kippah?ref=upstract.com Saudi Arabia was among the countries that agreed to the initiative signed by approximately 179 nations in or around 1994. However, this initiative is now being undermined by the devil himself, who is sowing discord among the delegates due to the ongoing Jewish-Hamas (Palestine) conflict. Fostering antisemitism. What kind of sacrifice does Satan accept with the death of babies and children in places like Gaza, Ukraine, and other conflicts around the world, whether in the past or present, that God wouldn't? Whatever personal experiences we may have had with well-known individuals, true Christians understand that current events were foretold long ago, and nothing can prevent them from unfolding. What we are witnessing is the result of Satan's wrath upon humanity, as was predicted. A true religion will not involve itself in the politics of this world, as it is aware of the many detrimental factors associated with such engagement. It understands the true intentions of Satan for this world and wisely chooses to stay unaffected by them.
    • This idea that Satan can put Jews in power implies that God doesn't want Jews in power. But that would also imply that God only wants "Christians" including Hitler, Biden, Pol Pot, Chiang Kai-Shek, etc. 
    • @Mic Drop, I don't buy it. I watched the movie. It has all the hallmarks of the anti-semitic tropes that began to rise precipitously on social media during the last few years - pre-current-Gaza-war. And it has similarities to the same anti-semitic tropes that began to rise in Europe in the 900's to 1100's. It was back in the 500s AD/CE that many Khazars failed to take or keep land they fought for around what's now Ukraine and southern Russia. Khazars with a view to regaining power were still being driven out into the 900's. And therefore they migrated to what's now called Eastern Europe. It's also true that many of their groups converted to Judaism after settling in Eastern Europe. It's possibly also true that they could be hired as mercenaries even after their own designs on empire had dwindled.  But I think the film takes advantage of the fact that so few historical records have ever been considered reliable by the West when it comes to these regions. So it's easy to fill the vacuum with some very old antisemitic claims, fables, rumors, etc..  The mention of Eisenhower in the movie was kind of a giveaway, too. It's like, Oh NO! The United States had a Jew in power once. How on earth could THAT have happened? Could it be . . . SATAN??" Trying to tie a connection back to Babylonian Child Sacrifice Black Magick, Secret Satanism, and Baal worship has long been a trope for those who need to think that no Jews like the Rothschilds and Eisenhowers (????) etc would not have been able to get into power in otherwise "Christian" nations without help from Satan.    Does child sacrifice actually work to gain power?? Does drinking blood? Does pedophilia??? (also mentioned in the movie) Yes, it's an evil world and many people have evil ideologies based on greed and lust and ego. But how exactly does child sacrifice or pedophilia or drinking blood produce a more powerful nation or cabal of some kind? To me that's a giveaway that the authors know that the appeal will be to people who don't really care about actual historical evidence. Also, the author(s) of the video proved that they have not done much homework, but are just trying to fill that supposed knowledge gap by grasping at old paranoid and prejudicial premises. (BTW, my mother and grandmother, in 1941 and 1942, sat next to Dwight Eisenhower's mother at an assembly of Jehovah's Witnesses. The Eisenhower family had been involved in a couple of "Christian" religions and a couple of them associated with IBSA and JWs for many years.)
  • Members

    • JW Insider

      JW Insider 9,696

      Member
      Joined:
      Last active:
    • Leonard Whitley

      Leonard Whitley 0

      Member
      Joined:
      Last active:
    • Avrek

      Avrek 0

      Member
      Joined:
      Last active:
  • Recent Status Updates

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      65.4k
    • Total Posts
      158.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      17,670
    • Most Online
      1,592

    Newest Member
    Apolos2000
    Joined
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Service Confirmation Terms of Use Privacy Policy Guidelines We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.