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Jack Ryan

If JWs told people their real motivation for knocking at their doors on the initial call.

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JW: Good morning sir/ma’am. (Big, upbeat smiles on their faces). We would like you to join our religion.

Householder: Umm, I’m tired and hungover (yawns). Umm, what is required to do that?

JW: Simply disassociate from your current religion, if you have one, and start working towards baptism in ours.

Householder: Can I get baptized today in that pond down the road? (Points down yonder)

JW: Well no, it’s a process that could take a year or two and we do the baptisms in a JW approved location.

Householder: Hmm, alright. I never heard of you guys before (yawns some more). What kind of things do I need to do to work towards baptism?

JW: Stop smoking, doing drugs, getting drunk, sex before marriage to name a few. No more voting or involvement in politics, participating in birthdays or holidays, it’s all Satanic. Do you have a lot of friends and family?

Householder: Yes, I love them all dearly. (Pulls out his phone and starts gushing showing pictures of them)

JW: Well, you will want to distance yourself from all of them, they are evil people who will be dying soon at the hands of our loving God Jehovah. But don’t worry about having any friends, you will take on all of us, we are so loving and will be your new family!

Householder: You guys sound like a cult, fuckin A. (Scratches the back of his head with an eyebrow raised)

JW: Hang on, I need to finish my presentation. A few more things, your kids can’t enroll in after school sports and you should probably quit your professional job to find one less demanding so you can go in service more like we are doing. Also, if you need blood in an emergency, you can’t take it, I mean you won’t take it because you will love Jehovah too much and you will accept death could be possible, but let me tell you, you will be so happy and at peace. If any members get disfellowshipped, you have to hold up your end of the deal and shun them. It’s hard at first, but does get easier with time. So what do you think? Can we start a Bible study today and get you moving on this amazing journey?

Householder: You sir, can kiss my ass and fuck off, I’m going back to bed. (Belches loud and slams the door shut)

JWs shrug at each other, label him a goat and move onto the next door with big smiles on their faces.

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8 hours ago, Jack Ryan said:

You sir, can kiss my ass and fuck off, I’m

Now those few words tell me you hate all goodness or decency.  We understand fully why you hate JWs.   There is no respect and logic in the cesspit where those words were thought up.

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Look! A sower went out to sow.  As he was sowing, some seeds fell alongside the road, and the birds came and ate them up.  Others fell on rocky ground where there was not much soil, and they immediately sprang up because the soil was not deep.   But when the sun rose, they were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.  Others fell among the thorns, and the thorns came up and choked them.  Still others fell on the fine soil, and they began to yield fruit, this one 100 times more, that one 60, the other 30.  But a few fell upon Jack’s lawn, and he said”

12 hours ago, Jack Ryan said:

You sir, can kiss my ass and fuck off, I’m going back to bed. (Belches loud and slams the door shut)

“What is more, I do indeed also consider all things to be loss on account of the excelling value of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have taken the loss of all things and I consider them as a lot of refuse, that I may gain Christ. However, my neighbor Jack does not see it this way. He says:”

12 hours ago, Jack Ryan said:

You sir, can kiss my ass and fuck off, I’m going back to bed. (Belches loud and slams the door shut)

“Again the Kingdom of the heavens is like a traveling merchant seeking fine pearls.  Upon finding one pearl of high value, he went away and promptly sold all the things he had and bought it. And then he shows it to his neighbor Jack, who says:”

12 hours ago, Jack Ryan said:

You sir, can kiss my ass and fuck off, I’m going back to bed. (Belches loud and slams the door shut)

The foul-mouthed crybaby

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Although some of Jack's input is interesting, i do fear for his spiritual and mental well being. 

I also hope he does not own a gun :) 

 

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I believe that many things (maybe not all) that Jack posts here, are comments and posts from exjw forums.  What words you read may not necessarily be owned by Jack.  

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3 hours ago, 4Jah2me said:

I beginning to understand why the GB are sick. They are mostly American. Maybe that is why i cannot get any sense here.

But the skit is British 😀

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